Caught!

Gracie was caught having integrity among her brothers who were making *ahem* other choices.  We got to celebrate and bless her for her good choice today.  It's not a bribe, but do you think she or her brothers (who missed out) are going to think about this the next time they assume no one is looking or listening?  Hopefully.  This treat won't be given every time they are caught like this, of course.  But sometimes, an extra blessing will be their reward!  You obey: you get blessed in all sorts of different ways. You disobey: you miss out on things.  (Just like how God parents us, no matter what age!) 

Daddy and I are so proud of you for choosing to obey, Babygirl! Keep it up!!

The Christmas Conundrum

I won't pretend that this crazy "Christmas stress" I'm under is unrelated to our recent mission trip to the Philippines.  From the moment Scott and I walked in the front door of home, something had snapped in us both.  We had spent just nine or ten days among the truly poor.  We had seen horrific living conditions, parents struggling to provide the basic needs for their children.  We spent time with a missionary family that lived fulfilled and contentedly - without the "stuff" that we are accustomed to surrounding us.  And we walked into - in reality - a mansion of a house that we live in.  My heart sank.

I immediately went into purge mode.  I hated - yes, I know that's a strong word - the boxes and drawers of junk the kids had accumulated.  Things they didn't care about, parts of missing parts of a whole were constantly strewn about and looked over during clean up, despite our "play with one thing at a time/clean up as you go" rule attempts.  These toys were the catalyst of "mommy's losing it episodes" at the end of some days.  I would make threats like, "Whatever you don't care to clean up will go in the garbage or be given away."  Not once did I bluff, and when the kids realized I was serious, they suddenly cared and cried on occasion too.

Back to Christmas.  A) We have seen first hand that we don't need as much as we already have.  And we were already on our way to paring down.  So here comes Christmastime and the expectation of presents.  << -enter stress- >>  What do we do?  We weren't planning on any gift-giving too extravagant to begin with, but the new direction we're headed concerning our excess of possessions makes us hesitant to add to the piles.  And B) the kids are already struggling with an apathy for most of the toys they have already been given.  Why would we add to the problem (regarding clean up, responsibility, and even appreciation for having these toys)?  It's not like ridding the current toys to make room for the ones to come is the answer either.  There's something deeper going on.

Over the past few years I have struggled with the concept of Christmas gift giving.  Why do we do it?  Is that confusing to our kids to get heap loads of presents on Someone else's birthday?  A friend of mine and I were talking about this, and her perspective was very helpful.  Her kids may not make lists for themselves.  If they want to make one, it will be for gifts they'd like to give to others.  Instead of a child saying, "I want ...", she is encouraged to say, "I want to give ... to ..."  The focus is giving to others, not receiving for yourself.  I completely agree.  ((Side personal note: On one hand, I think it's great that our kids don't really ask for specific gifts.  I celebrate that because they aren't in the "give me" mindset.  But on the other hand, if they did ask for something specific because they were really excited about it, maybe their appreciation would improve some of our clean up drama.))  Anyway - - as a parent, she said she absolutely loved knocking her kids' socks off with blessings at Christmas because it's a way of representing God's extravagant love and gift giving to us.  I believe that God does love us that way and what fun parental joy regarding presents!  But He's working on our family's heart in a different way right now.  This just can't be how we represent.

Our job as Christian parents is to teach God's perspective and then reteach it again and again whenever the world contradicts it.  Somehow, I just now truly realized that Christmas will have to be retaught over and over.  Challenge accepted!  We look forward to redefining it.  We will guide our children to care about certain things while they still look to us to lead them.  So this Christmas conundrum - figuring out how and what kind of gifts to give this Christmas - will, of course, work itself out.  We are headed for simple: a couple things that they've mentioned or enjoyed in the past along with some "experience" gifts.

I sometimes catch myself getting sucked back into the big, black hole of "I want to get them this, this, this, and wouldn't this be fun!?...(Amazon, thanks a lot!).... and "If I don't get them a lot, they'll feel gipped when another kid reports a long list of cool presents."  I've thought they might not have the awesome, magical Christmases that I had as a kid.  But I'm going to continue letting Christ lead this Christmas season and remind me of what's important.  In the meantime, our 2nd ADVENTure has begun.  I absolutely loved doing this last year; the wonderful and intentional family time was my favorite gift.  Wait, may be it's not such a conundrum after all.  :)

Let every heart prepare Him room!

Triumph of the Day

This is my big triumph of the day. All clothing for seven of us are washed, dried, and put away. This has only happened a few times since taking on the job title of mom. And as more kids of ours "showed up," obviously the deed gets more difficult to accomplish. MIRACLES STILL HAPPEN!! :)

Starbucks Sighting

A couple weeks ago I was sitting in Starbucks and a man walked in.  I caught myself staring since he looked like my Grandpa Ralph.  This moment reminded me of two things: my grandpa never drank Starbucks ever in his life.  He liked supporting the mom and pop shops in America.  The second thing is how much I miss him and wish I could ask him to tell me a story of his one more time.

Minivan Pride

I just want to give a shout out to you, minivan moms. I don't care what society's stereotype is. Take pride in your amazing haven on wheels!! Those old commercials about the mommy timeout in her minivan are spot on. LOL

All this excitement was inspired because our SUV is getting some R&R at the shop right now, and they thoughtfully loaned me this rental for the day. Mommy's party on wheels - that's what this is! I got a smart key. I didn't even know those existed. So neat. This is tripped out with a reverse camera, a sweet stereo set up, automatic doors on a remote, weird storage shifty seats, and a really nice DVD system. Seriously. I really like this thing, and if you have one, consider yourself super blessed in the transportation department! I don't think society knows what it's missing. :)

I'm here for a real life.

I'm here for a real life.  Real problems, real ruts, real joys, real victories.  

Personally, I don't understand why people try to hide behind a facade.  Pretending you are someone you're not or portraying yourself in a way that doesn't invite honest, real relationships makes me so sad.  You elevate yourself to an unapproachable position.  Who would want to even attempt to get close to someone so flawless (even if others know that you're not)?  There would be no depth to the relationship.  It might be painful to air out some dirty laundry, but how much more painful is it to live in solitude without any of your friends knowing the real you?  Think about what you might be missing by "saving face": how about rich friendships that you can rely on when you need emotional help, rear guard warriors to pray for you through your current battles, an honest answer when you need to be called out on your crap, having a godly influence and encouraging someone else, being around people who sharpen you and inspire you to live the way God desires instead of fluff and telling you what the selfish you wants to hear.

We all know that people have junk.  We all know that you don't have it all together all the time.  You know why?  Because that's just life.  Life is messy and broken, and the only wholeness comes from a life lived through Jesus, by His power, grace, and love.  But even with Jesus, our life is not all ducky.  He promised us that we'd have trouble.  Woohoo!  Now it's out in the open!  No false pretenses!  The verse in John 16 goes on to say that we are to take heart since Jesus has overcome the world.  The trouble will not always be with us.  And in the meantime, we have Him.  So why pretend?  I don't want to waste my time on this earth.  I'm here for a real life.  I'm here to grow and get closer to Him, one relationship at a time.

I am blessed to be part of some amazing relationships.  Not bragging.  But I do want to inspire you to find some authentic friendships that will change you for the better.  I want to tell these girls how thankful I am for them, for their willingness to be transparent with me.  For urging me to keep growing in the areas I've been working on, for trusting me with their deep, dark "stuff", just as I trust them with mine.  One of these friends and I had a loooong anticipated date last weekend.  We had a whole lot to catch up on.  I was updating her on a struggle of mine, and she bluntly commented, "Well, that's just forgiveness."  She was right, of course.  A blow to my stomach.  A blow to my pride.  But so very needed.  I needed her to call me out on my unforgiveness.  To call it what it was.  To not let it go unsaid, that I was holding on to a sin.  She declared that for me because she loves me.  I'm willing to risk a lot of transparency with an honest friend like that, who has my best interest at heart.  She wasn't going to pass over the topic and validate my wrong.  *Sigh*  I can't tell you what a gift that kind of friendship is.  

That conversation happened with a particular friend, but I have a cluster of girls that could have spoken those words.  These are the girls I keep returning to!  These are the friends I crave time with!  I keep wanting to be real; the more real I am, the more I'm becoming the me I want to be.  I want to be the no B.S. girl who doesn't waste His plan for community.  

Jesus wasn't about B.S. either.  (Excuse my crassness.)  One of the things the Lord has been teaching me for the last year and a half is not to dwell - or even care - when I don't end up pleasing everyone.  Unintentionally I end up offending, hurting, or disappointing people around me because of the expectations they've placed on me.  Most of the time these expectations haven't even been communicated, but somehow it comes out that they're there.  I really struggled with wanting people to like me and figuring out how to keep everyone happy.  A brilliant friend (Yep, one of those girls again!) empathized and said she had struggled with the same issue, but she had found freedom when she learned from Jesus how to think.  She said, "Jesus offended a ton of people, because He was different and set apart.  He was honest and didn't beat around the bush.  So now I think, 'If I'm following Jesus, I will end up offending people.  If I'm super nice and people can't think of any negative things to say about me, well then I'm probably doing something wrong.  I won't be able to please everyone and Jesus at the same time.  I want to live an eccentric life that blesses Him, not be worried about others' approval.'"  Isn't that a beautiful message from one transparent friend to another?  Those words wouldn't be ringing in my head and carrying me through my journey if I hadn't chosen to talk about it or she hadn't been willing to share her story either. 

I know I've gotten a little off course, so I'll wrap up with a final plea.  Be vulnerable in your relationships and find friends that are willing to be equally transparent.  You both will be blessed by the depth of love and support that comes from the friendship.  
  
One of my favorite Christian author/speakers is Lysa TerKeurst.  This morning on facebook she posted the following:  Say "thank you" to the Lord for all of the friendships and relationships that He has placed in your life.  Philippians 1:3-5, "I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the the gospel from the first day until now."

Thank you, girlies, for the amazing gift you are in my "real" life. xoxo   



Some more great friendship verses:

Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Proverbs 12:26
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.    

The Good Samaritan

I just posted this Facebook update earlier this morning, but there's more of the story that I'd like to remember.  First of all, Carter's response is noteworthy.  After I safely pull over on our windy commute choice, Marsh Creek Road, I start the emergency flashers and hurry around to the kids' door.  I see the damage.  All.  Over.  Carter.  I stare at him for a second and simply say, "Poor baby."  His reply?  "Uh. Oh!"  Way to put a smile on my face, even in the midst of this, buddy boy.  

I had to run back to get a bag just in case Noah had another episode.  Then I started wiping up some obvious areas.  Buckles, clothes.  All covered.  How could I get to the cute sickie behind it all?  I was starting to make some progress, when suddenly Hayden yells, "I see Mr. Bell!"  I wasn't of the mind to ask what he meant or if he was serious.  But sure enough, I turn around to see Mr. Bell, the twins' PE teacher, and his daughter.  Now, I've met this man once for a total of 3 minutes.  But he knows we both commute on that same road, he saw the twin sticker and guessed it was us, and he chose to stop.  He helped with the removal of Carter's pukey pants and ended up taking Hayden to school so I could immediately turn around and head back home.  What a great blessing!  

He didn't have to stop.  Yet this is the kind of person teaching my sons at school.  In spite of the morning's events, I have a big smile on my face for that reason alone.  Thanks, Mr. Bell, our good samaritan.