My Reason

I love when you go somewhere and someone says, "There's a reason that each and every one of you is here today."  And then you anxiously wait to find out what God wants to tell you or how He wants to love you.  Today, my 'reason' was beyond wonderful, and it wasn't the one I expected, of course.

Renewed.  Re-inspired.  Supported.  Confirmed.  

Encouraged.  Emotional.  Prayed over and loved.

To those who know the person who was 'my reason' today, this will give away her identity:

"Don't 'should' on yourself."

THE best words for what's on my mind and heart the past week.  Seriously, He knows what He's doing with these divine appointment things.

Thoughts on Thirty

Birthday dinner at Rutherford Grill

The last week of my twenties was filled with laundry, homeschool, getting some weird flu bug, phone calls, Kaiser visits, and crossing off an insane number of to do's only to add that number or more back on the list.  (I'm going to get off topic for a bit, but I'll come back to my twenties later.)

In the midst of my craziness, I often think, "How/Why am I juggling so many balls right now!?"  The question is usually aimed towards the heavens.  I feel like I am doing a lot of things mediocre instead of doing any of them really well.  However, I am my harshest critic and my dear Scott would always disagree with a long list of my successes prepared to affirm me.  During these flashes of self-doubt, I am reminded that it is supposed to be hard - no, impossible - for me to do everything I have on my plate even satisfactory.

I think a main point of maturity is recognizing that an increase in responsibility shouldn't be a boost in self-confidence or self-reliance.  It should be a boost of reliance in God's grace, His support and equipping for any additional task He has given.  We were never intended to live on our own strength.  The only way I can count myself as successful as I manage all of my wife/mom/friend/sister/roommate/daughter/teacher/church member/etc. duties is if I accept the invitation to lean on the Lord everyday for the strength to tackle whatever is coming.  He will direct my path.  He will guide my daily to do's so I know that what was supposed to be done, did get done that day.  So many days I think to myself, "Wow.  Five is a lot today."  This juggling act is insane,  but it's not just my hands that are involved - as long as I let Him close to me.

Okay, moving back to my last week in the glorious second decade of my life.  In the few calm (after the kids' bedtime) moments I had, I got to think over the past ten years.  I love reminiscing and remembering.  I love reliving my favorite experiences in my head.  The blessings overwhelm me and my eyes blur.  This isn't a brag report.  This is me, recognizing the amazing gifts I have enjoyed and praising God for living out John 10:10 - living life to the fullest!!

In my twenties - right off the bat, I put the finishing touches on a dream wedding and I married my best friend and the man who I cannot get enough of.  I love him so deeply that the vulnerability feels scary yet wonderful at the same time.  We had an incredible honeymoon in St. Maarten, played house and finished up college with the honors I strived for.  We spent 3 1/2 weeks in Europe.  I had my dream job for two years, teaching with "family" who became my mentors and friends.  We were blessed with five children, who not only encourage growth in us, but give us so much joy and add an unreal amount of humor to our lives.  We had wonderful trips to British Columbia, New York, Washington, D.C., Hawaii, the Bahamas, Acapulco, Palm Springs, Ireland, Seattle, Disneyland, sprinkled with local weekend getaways.  Our marriage has remained pure, strong, and lovely.  We have "grown up" in a lot of ways with each other.  Not perfect by any means - but such a gift.

Now remember that these are the things I love to think about.  There were plenty of events that I left out because, quite frankly, they just weren't as fun.  I have gotten to do so much, I've been telling Scott that I can't imagine my thirties being nearly as wonderful.  But then, I had no clue the last 10 years would be so amazing.  Who am I to predict my future?  And even if we don't do as much, I am in charge of choosing joy for what does await me.  And I'm not one to sit by and let anyone steal my joy.

I have never thought 30 was old, but here is the breakdown of the decades that has my head kind of spinning.  Twenties was us getting married and having all of our kids.  Thirties is the meat of us raising our kids.  And forties is when we start and finish the empty-nesting process (hypothetically of course).  That perspective freaks me out!

So, here I am.  Now 30.  I kicked it off with doing another bucket lister - a hot air balloon ride.  We are living out our family mission statement and headed to the Philippines in two weeks.  I am loving this decade so far.  (haha)

For my third decade, I pray that I will have health, good rest, energy, patience, and the endurance to raise up our little chicks and all that that entails.  I pray that I will learn how to honor and serve Scott better and grow in maturity in our marriage.  I pray that I will continue on this path of caring less what people think and more of only what God thinks, of accepting grace from Him and myself.  I pray that my eyes stay fixed on what matters, and not get caught up with surrounding drama.  I pray that I will be a better steward of my time and resources.  I pray that all I am and all I do points to You.

Thank you, SO MUCH, for this life, my Lord.  I am undeserving but so grateful.

Freeze Time Please

Preschool picture day. I don't want her to grow up! She is my squishy-faced, giggly, sweet, spunky little girl. Today on the drive home from school, I just listened to her gab on and on to a friend coming over for a playdate. I texted her Daddy, "We need to bottle up your daughter's voice. It is the sound of heaven." No joke. It is the most precious sound you've ever heard tangled up in adorable little grammar mistakes. I love all my boys like you can't imagine, but there is something different between a daddy and his sons and a mommy and her daughter. She is my beautiful buddy and more of a gift than I ever thought possible.

You Know That...

You know that your PMS is under control when your husband asks, "Did you even have a period this month?" Niiiice. :)

Sensitive Girls

I was raised being told what a sensitive creature I was.  I cried easily, got my feelings hurt with a wrong look, and broke down in repentance with the littlest stern look... God made me that way, I was frequently reminded.  But I don't remember hearing how it was anything positive.

Fast forward to present day.  My one and only daughter is cut from the same cloth.  This past week, her sin of lying has had a major flare up.  She has been dishonest about the smallest, most minuscule details or topics.  Frustrating.  We were talking through one of these incidents this morning.  I wasn't loud or mad.  I just spoke to her as a hurting parent who wants her to be honest and trustworthy, reaping the blessings of those traits.  Once I reminded her of Whom she was really sinning against, her lips and cheeks began quivering and twitching.  The tears welled up and started streaming.   I started to pray that whenever she was tempted to lie, the Spirit would convict her heart before any words came out of her mouth.  And before I knew it, I was crying right there with her.

I can't explain how much I have grown in spiritual maturity since becoming a mom.  There is an empathy for God as a parent that I couldn't grasp before having my own kids.  When I explain how sin affects Jesus, how and why He longs for obedience, and what His desire is for us, I think of myself as a little girl who is in the same boat as Gracie a lot of times.  I still hurt Him.  On an earthly level, knowing fully how that feels as a parent, I am crushed and convicted that I haven't "learned my lesson yet."

This enlightenment seems to happen a lot with my Graciegirl.  May be when two sensitive girls get together, tears must be present?!  But I'm not complaining.  These are some of the most precious moments we share together.  Sharing our hearts, praying for a righteous spirit, intimate tears, declaring our crazy love for each other.  I am so thankful that we are both sensitive - to the sin in our lives, to the conviction given by loved ones, and to each other.  I'm still learning about how a sensitive spirit is a gift, but at least I'm starting to see it as such with my beloved baby girl.

To end our session, I told her I was going to turn on the radio and asked if she wanted to dance.  I thought she was going to twirl around like she does in a new, hand-me-down leotard.  I pushed on, started to spin for a second before going on to something else, but she grabbed my hand and got in front of me.  The silent request to be picked up...  So I held her in my arms and spun around the room as I prayed the words being sung, and stroked and kissed her hair.  It was such a God thing that this particular song was on.  I know the lyrics are meant to be about Jesus, but I, too, will carry her every day she'll let me.

Carry Me To The Cross - by Kutless
When the path is daunting 
And every step exhausting 
I'm not alone, I'm not alone, no, no

I feel You draw me closer 
All these burdens on my shoulder 
I'm not alone, I'm not alone 
You pull me from this place 

(Chorus)
Hallelujah!
You carry me every day 
You carry me all the way 
Hallelujah!
You carry me to the 
You carry me to the cross 

How Your love has moved me
To the foot of all Your glory 
I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not alone 

Chorus 

All of these cities you have built 
And every cathedral you have filled 
To all of creation you gave life with your hands 
And with those hands you comfort me 
You lift me up from my knees 
And carry me 
You carry me 

Chorus

The cross 
You carry me to the 
You carry me to the cross

Coffee, Tea, and ME!

One of my prime love languages in friendships is quality time. And it doesn't matter where I am. Lately it happens to have been at Starbucks, Peet's, or Panera. I value the conversations, encouragement, and prayers spoken there, and the many great, new friendships that have been created!

A special thanks to my awesome husband who appreciates my drive to connect with people this way and supports me in that. He certainly gets blessed also with a wife who is gaining spiritual maturity, great advice, and wonderful friends!! I love you, baby!!!!

Gotta Gush on my Crush

Casual post: don't care how it sounds or if it's eloquent.  :D

I'm in an uncharted time of life right now.  (I guess anyone can say that at any time.)   But seriously - I'm almost 30, we're done having kids, my body is getting back to normal "Laura-only" hormones again...  I don't know if it's a combination of all those things or what, but I AM EVEN MORE MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND THAN EVER BEFORE!  I was always crazy about him, but my goodness!  Flirting, texting, all that fun stuff...  We can't keep our hands off of each other! ;)  I feel like we're in high school - all the crushing going on!  Which is pretty funny considering we didn't kiss each other, etc. until our wedding day so it's very obvious that we aren't really acting like we are in high school.  We've always made our marriage a huge priority, and I feel like we're in a season of wholly reaping the benefits of all that.  We read books, go to conferences, go on dates, have "marriage maintenance" conversations regularly.  Everything is working right now.  Like a silly school girl, I'm fantasizing about the next time I get to make out with my hubby again... which will pretty much be the second he comes home from work.  HA!  I LOVE LOVE!  And yes, this might be the dumbest it's-none-of-your-business post that was ever written, but with my heart as excited as it is, I consider my blog the mountaintop from which I am shouting!!