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| Birthday dinner at Rutherford Grill |
The last week of my twenties was filled with laundry, homeschool, getting some weird flu bug, phone calls, Kaiser visits, and crossing off an insane number of to do's only to add that number or more back on the list. (I'm going to get off topic for a bit, but I'll come back to my twenties later.)
In the midst of my craziness, I often think, "How/Why am I juggling so many balls right now!?" The question is usually aimed towards the heavens. I feel like I am doing a lot of things mediocre instead of doing any of them really well. However, I am my harshest critic and my dear Scott would always disagree with a long list of my successes prepared to affirm me. During these flashes of self-doubt, I am reminded that it is supposed to be hard - no, impossible - for me to do everything I have on my plate even satisfactory.
I think a main point of maturity is recognizing that an increase in responsibility shouldn't be a boost in self-confidence or self-reliance. It should be a boost of reliance in God's grace, His support and equipping for any additional task He has given. We were never intended to live on our own strength. The
only way I can count myself as successful as I manage all of my wife/mom/friend/sister/roommate/daughter/teacher/church member/etc. duties is if I accept the invitation to lean on the Lord everyday for the strength to tackle whatever is coming.
He will direct my path.
He will guide my daily to do's so I know that what was supposed to be done, did get done that day. So many days I think to myself, "Wow. Five is a lot today." This juggling act
is insane, but it's not just my hands that are involved -
as long as I let Him close to me.
Okay, moving back to my last week in the glorious second decade of my life. In the few calm (after the kids' bedtime) moments I had, I got to think over the past ten years. I love reminiscing and remembering. I love reliving my favorite experiences in my head. The blessings overwhelm me and my eyes blur. This isn't a brag report. This is me, recognizing the amazing gifts I have enjoyed and praising God for living out John 10:10 - living life to the fullest!!
In my twenties - right off the bat, I put the finishing touches on a dream wedding and I married my best friend and the man who I cannot get enough of. I love him so deeply that the vulnerability feels scary yet wonderful at the same time. We had an incredible honeymoon in St. Maarten, played house and finished up college with the honors I strived for. We spent 3 1/2 weeks in Europe. I had my dream job for two years, teaching with "family" who became my mentors and friends. We were blessed with five children, who not only encourage growth in us, but give us so much joy and add an unreal amount of humor to our lives. We had wonderful trips to British Columbia, New York, Washington, D.C., Hawaii, the Bahamas, Acapulco, Palm Springs, Ireland, Seattle, Disneyland, sprinkled with local weekend getaways. Our marriage has remained pure, strong, and lovely. We have "grown up" in a lot of ways with each other. Not perfect by any means - but such a gift.
Now remember that these are the things I love to think about. There were plenty of events that I left out because, quite frankly, they just weren't as fun. I have gotten to do
so much, I've been telling Scott that I can't imagine my thirties being nearly as wonderful. But then, I had no clue the last 10 years would be so amazing. Who am I to predict my future? And even if we don't
do as much, I am in charge of choosing joy for what does await me. And I'm not one to sit by and let anyone steal my joy.
I have never thought 30 was old, but here is the breakdown of the decades that has my head kind of spinning. Twenties was us getting married and having all of our kids. Thirties is the meat of us raising our kids. And forties is when we start
and finish the empty-nesting process (hypothetically of course). That perspective freaks me out!
So, here I am. Now 30. I kicked it off with doing another bucket lister - a hot air balloon ride. We are living out our family mission statement and headed to the Philippines in two weeks. I am loving this decade so far. (haha)
For my third decade, I pray that I will have health, good rest, energy, patience, and the endurance to raise up our little chicks and all that that entails. I pray that I will learn how to honor and serve Scott better and grow in maturity in our marriage. I pray that I will continue on this path of caring less what people think and more of only what God thinks, of accepting grace from Him and myself. I pray that my eyes stay fixed on what matters, and not get caught up with surrounding drama. I pray that I will be a better steward of my time and resources. I pray that all I am and all I do points to You.
Thank you, SO MUCH, for this life, my Lord. I am undeserving but so grateful.
