Coffee, Tea, and ME!

One of my prime love languages in friendships is quality time. And it doesn't matter where I am. Lately it happens to have been at Starbucks, Peet's, or Panera. I value the conversations, encouragement, and prayers spoken there, and the many great, new friendships that have been created!

A special thanks to my awesome husband who appreciates my drive to connect with people this way and supports me in that. He certainly gets blessed also with a wife who is gaining spiritual maturity, great advice, and wonderful friends!! I love you, baby!!!!

Gotta Gush on my Crush

Casual post: don't care how it sounds or if it's eloquent.  :D

I'm in an uncharted time of life right now.  (I guess anyone can say that at any time.)   But seriously - I'm almost 30, we're done having kids, my body is getting back to normal "Laura-only" hormones again...  I don't know if it's a combination of all those things or what, but I AM EVEN MORE MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND THAN EVER BEFORE!  I was always crazy about him, but my goodness!  Flirting, texting, all that fun stuff...  We can't keep our hands off of each other! ;)  I feel like we're in high school - all the crushing going on!  Which is pretty funny considering we didn't kiss each other, etc. until our wedding day so it's very obvious that we aren't really acting like we are in high school.  We've always made our marriage a huge priority, and I feel like we're in a season of wholly reaping the benefits of all that.  We read books, go to conferences, go on dates, have "marriage maintenance" conversations regularly.  Everything is working right now.  Like a silly school girl, I'm fantasizing about the next time I get to make out with my hubby again... which will pretty much be the second he comes home from work.  HA!  I LOVE LOVE!  And yes, this might be the dumbest it's-none-of-your-business post that was ever written, but with my heart as excited as it is, I consider my blog the mountaintop from which I am shouting!!

Keep On Coloring

I was on a coloring date with Hayden, but he ditched me for the more enticing Wii that his brother was enjoying. Like a true nerd, I carried on with the Hello Kitty sheet that had been chosen for me. I'm so glad I did! Levi crept up on my lap, and I invited him to color my picture with me. In addition to some yummy snuggles, I got to hear some brand new words! Blue and two, to name a few!! Time well spent. :)

Playing Favorites

"My favorite God is Jesus! That's my favorite king." - Hayden
"God is my favorite God." - Noah

The Trinity is a confusing thing! lol

Passion Shifting

A few months ago I was driving with a new friend in the car.  Our conversation took off, and we covered some real 'stuff' in no time.  That dialogue pulled things out of my spirit that I didn't even know were so rooted in me.  By the time I dropped her off at home, I was beaming, refreshed, and couldn't wait to share my newfound revelations with Scott.

I had shared that teaching was a passion God had given me (a spiritual gift according to some of those tests), and I was so pleased that I had an education to back that up as I am beginning to homeschool my kids in a few short months.  Would I want to have my own classroom after this homeschooling season is over though?  I don't think so.  As we delved deep, I recognized that my passion was shifting to travel, and not just in the hobby sense.  I have always loved going places.  I attribute that to my parents who made a point to show us a lot, mostly in the States.  We got to see where history has been made, see with our own eyes the beauty and variations of God's creation.  The saying about a picture never comparing to actually seeing it for yourself is true!  Why do I love to travel?  To get away?  Not only that!  I love seeing how other people experience life - what surrounds them geographically, their cultural influences, their values.  How they have been shaped over time.  I don't go for a tan.  I go for an education.  An experience.  A broader worldview to study through my Christian lenses.  Inspired by my parents' priority, travel has become an important vision for Scott and our family.

I know not everyone feels that thrill, but that's what is in my core.  This doesn't mean I am going to become a nomad.  But if people seek an experience in travel, I'd love to help them get one!  The passion, the way I'm wired with organization and attention to detail (ha! It sounds like a resume) are huge strengths when considering a next career/ministry in travel planning.  Why ministry, you ask?  My friend and I talked about opportunities working with mission trips, professional artists, and non-profit organizations.  Who knows what will happen between now and ???.

The point is, I am now aware that God can and does shift passions in order for us to continue to do His will and be crazy happy and fulfilled in the process.  I'm not sure why this was so surprising to me.  Seasons of our life change, and why wouldn't our very creative God grow us in several areas of the gifts that He's given us?  He wants to be glorified in all of them - not just your current favorite.  And may be I'm putting the cart before the horse here.  After all, I am certain that I'm not ready for the travel passion to take over completely.  But for now it can work in conjunction with my teaching passion - Hello, homeschooling!  Beyond that, I'm His to lead, and I am just so stinking excited about where I think He's leading me!!

One of my absolute favorite, hair-raising conversations, Staci Frenes!! XOXO

Love me? Love my kid.

Today, I'll let you a little further into the depths of my soul.

If you know my family personally, you're probably well acquainted with our five kids.  And some of you have probably noticed that one of our little darlings is behind developmentally.  Our sweet Levi has been both the happiest and crankiest of our kids.  From near birth, he was colicky, but once his tummy troubles dissipated, he was mostly smiles and giggles.  Then the milestone markers came and went without him reaching them "on time."  Late crawling, late walking, slower pace of those fine and gross motor skills, and just a few words.  A new crankiness set in: the one where he was so frustrated because he couldn't communicate verbally with us.  And Mommy got frustrated too.  Hearing "Mama! Mama! Mama!" as the request for everything gets frazzling.  There is also his disappointment that he is unable to keep up with what the older kids are doing.  More bawling at my kneecaps.

Over time, well meaning people would reassure me that he was fine, normal, and that he was just choosing not to talk.  He had eventually hit the other milestones, so I was just to wait patiently for his timing.  I was foolish enough to believe them despite what my gut was telling me and most foolishly, I believed a "reassurance" that didn't come from our all-knowing God.

Enough time had passed for my comfort, so we started to meet with doctors and therapists for evaluations, etc.  His delays were at a percentage that qualified him for a government-run preschool program for developmentally and physically delayed kids.  (The case manager who oversees us is a wonderful advocate, proactive, and very helpful.)  He began the preschool in late November, and we've seen some great progress in speech and in many other areas.  He also is now signing several words which makes for a happier kid, able to communicate some of his basic desires!

At a recent physical therapy evaluation, we were encouraged to visit with a neurologist.  My stomach sank at those words since it seemed to reach a much more serious level.  So off we went and after answering more questions and seeing the doctor for just a few minutes, we heard his diagnosis: cerebral palsy.

Now before any of you react without knowing what it is, I suggest you look it up.  It doesn't mean our son is dumb or going to stay at his current level either.  It's not even a disease.  It's an umbrella term for motor and physical delays, and Levi is on the mild side.  We have every reason to hope that he will work through his delays and barriers with physical and speech therapy.  The diagnosis is helpful because we will qualify for California Child Services therapies for free.

(Excuse me if my tone shifts to a little feisty.)  Now when people ask about his delays, I'll say, "He's got cerebral palsy."  I may get looks or worse, he may get looks.  Even before all this medical jargon got tossed in, I felt angst with some of the looks and reactions by acquaintances, so-called friends, and even family.  It actually infuriated me.  I didn't want to be around those people since they couldn't love me by loving my kid.  So I distanced myself, and I am just fine with that.  If you think that you can be close to me in my life while I can read those ugly thoughts on your face about my son, think again.  On the flip side, there are a few who seemed to pick Levi out as their personal Gillespie favorite.  Those friends have a very special place in my heart - not for playing favorites, but for taking the time to notice what a special and joyful kid he is and paying attention to him even when he isn't going to converse with you.

I know that God made Levi fearfully and wonderfully, just like every other human being.  He has disabilities but to some extent, we all do.  His just are more visible.  And from one imperfect person to another, it would be great if you would teach your kids that too - not for Levi's sake, but for all with disabilities.

There are plenty of blessings that come along with this journey: the growth of faith and trust in God as we figure out how to work with Levi, intimately teaching our kids how to love people who are different, difficult, annoying at times (most siblings are though), and those with disabilities.  I've known families whose kids have developed a crazy, unparalleled love and compassion like Jesus because their sibling had a disability.  There is a lesson to be learned in everything!

So these are just a few thoughts; I'm not going to go on right now.  Some of you who read this will know exactly what I'm talking about and that comforts me a lot.  Some of you might be annoyed because I'm making such a big deal about this when things could be so much worse.  I know things could be.  But this is where I am at.

And so, I leave off with a prayer request.  Tomorrow is a big day for Levi, Mommy, and Daddy.  Levi will be fully sedated to get an MRI in Oakland.  Scott and I will be by his side in the recovery room, and he'll go home with us after he spends awhile in there.  It's always nerve-wracking to have your kid wheeled away to have medical tests you can't hold his hand through.  The test will determine where the brain function is held up (hopefully) so we can move onto more tests and therapies for him.  Thank you for thinking of us and for your prayers!

Convertible Smiles

This is me.  I'm driving on a sunny, spring day in April.  Convertible.  Top down.  Music is up, and I can't help but smile.  Yep.  I'm smiling; even a giggle or two squeaked out.  I can't help myself despite being on the way to the dentist for a little filling redo from ages ago.  (Have you ever had a shot of Novocaine affect your eye?  HILARIOUS!)  I know a lunch date with my Mommy awaits me afterward. (Again, half numb face managing chopsticks?  Entertainment, right there.)  But those aren't the sole reasons for my state of happiness.  

I wouldn't dare lie to you and say that everything in my life is just peachy at the moment or ever, and that's why I'm in a good mood.  Nope.  I'll get into some of the more serious and somber happenings another time.  I got to have some lovely one on one time with my favorite guy last night, and I told him all about the convertible smiles.  I explained, "I am bursting with JOY!  I love that we're a great team, I love our marriage, the way we've been spending our time together, the level of our intimacy.  My grass is the greenest, baby!  I love that we're making plans for the future that correlate with our family mission statement.  I love that we're asking for God's wisdom and direction and He is showing up and telling us!..." My rambling continued.  I can't get over the blessings that have been repeatedly DUMPED on top of my head.  I did nothing to earn any of the things I have or the people I love.  All I can do is smile, recognize my place in the world, and humbly reply, "I love you, too, God!"

That response is Beth Moore's idea.  So the point to my smiles is my perspective, I suppose.  Despite busyness, my spiritual growth challenges, stress, and whatever else keeps joyfulness at bay, there is simply NO WAY that I can ignore all of the GOOD GOD blessings that completely overshadow everything else.  I just have to keep my eyes (lifted heavenward) in the right direction. 

It's no surprise that the joyfulness keeps other things in check.  A couple of years ago, I taught a Bible study lesson at my church on joy.  In studying and preparing, I discovered an interesting relationship between the first few sequential fruits of the Spirit.  Accepting God's love leads to joy.  If you live in joy, you experience peace as trials come.  Patience or perseverance is the product of your faith being tested.  

Love, joy, peace, patience.  In this post, I've basically claimed one and two.  Without going into detail right now, the biggest ongoing trials in my life are still very much present, but my spirit is at peace.  There is still pain, uncertainty, and periodical flutters of anxiety, but I am more at peace now than I have been in a very long time.  And lastly, I feel as though my joy has had a radical effect on my patience with my kids.  It's amazing where the path of each perspective can take you, isn't it?  Believe me, when joy is nowhere in sight for me, I am the farthest thing from the person I want to and am called to be.

I may sound boring to you now, but I want to add one more bit.  This afternoon, my hubby left for work and he called me just a minute after the garage door shut behind him.  He told me how enjoyable the morning had been for him.  He emphasized how much of ME influenced his tone for the day.  I told him I felt the same way.  I love that I am blessing him on top of feeling blessed, myself.  The lesson is learned.  Choose joy if I want to continue this positive rippling effect for my own spirit and in how I affect others.  

Hmm, tough choice.       

Isaiah 55:12

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; 

the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.