Triumph of the Day

This is my big triumph of the day. All clothing for seven of us are washed, dried, and put away. This has only happened a few times since taking on the job title of mom. And as more kids of ours "showed up," obviously the deed gets more difficult to accomplish. MIRACLES STILL HAPPEN!! :)

Starbucks Sighting

A couple weeks ago I was sitting in Starbucks and a man walked in.  I caught myself staring since he looked like my Grandpa Ralph.  This moment reminded me of two things: my grandpa never drank Starbucks ever in his life.  He liked supporting the mom and pop shops in America.  The second thing is how much I miss him and wish I could ask him to tell me a story of his one more time.

Minivan Pride

I just want to give a shout out to you, minivan moms. I don't care what society's stereotype is. Take pride in your amazing haven on wheels!! Those old commercials about the mommy timeout in her minivan are spot on. LOL

All this excitement was inspired because our SUV is getting some R&R at the shop right now, and they thoughtfully loaned me this rental for the day. Mommy's party on wheels - that's what this is! I got a smart key. I didn't even know those existed. So neat. This is tripped out with a reverse camera, a sweet stereo set up, automatic doors on a remote, weird storage shifty seats, and a really nice DVD system. Seriously. I really like this thing, and if you have one, consider yourself super blessed in the transportation department! I don't think society knows what it's missing. :)

I'm here for a real life.

I'm here for a real life.  Real problems, real ruts, real joys, real victories.  

Personally, I don't understand why people try to hide behind a facade.  Pretending you are someone you're not or portraying yourself in a way that doesn't invite honest, real relationships makes me so sad.  You elevate yourself to an unapproachable position.  Who would want to even attempt to get close to someone so flawless (even if others know that you're not)?  There would be no depth to the relationship.  It might be painful to air out some dirty laundry, but how much more painful is it to live in solitude without any of your friends knowing the real you?  Think about what you might be missing by "saving face": how about rich friendships that you can rely on when you need emotional help, rear guard warriors to pray for you through your current battles, an honest answer when you need to be called out on your crap, having a godly influence and encouraging someone else, being around people who sharpen you and inspire you to live the way God desires instead of fluff and telling you what the selfish you wants to hear.

We all know that people have junk.  We all know that you don't have it all together all the time.  You know why?  Because that's just life.  Life is messy and broken, and the only wholeness comes from a life lived through Jesus, by His power, grace, and love.  But even with Jesus, our life is not all ducky.  He promised us that we'd have trouble.  Woohoo!  Now it's out in the open!  No false pretenses!  The verse in John 16 goes on to say that we are to take heart since Jesus has overcome the world.  The trouble will not always be with us.  And in the meantime, we have Him.  So why pretend?  I don't want to waste my time on this earth.  I'm here for a real life.  I'm here to grow and get closer to Him, one relationship at a time.

I am blessed to be part of some amazing relationships.  Not bragging.  But I do want to inspire you to find some authentic friendships that will change you for the better.  I want to tell these girls how thankful I am for them, for their willingness to be transparent with me.  For urging me to keep growing in the areas I've been working on, for trusting me with their deep, dark "stuff", just as I trust them with mine.  One of these friends and I had a loooong anticipated date last weekend.  We had a whole lot to catch up on.  I was updating her on a struggle of mine, and she bluntly commented, "Well, that's just forgiveness."  She was right, of course.  A blow to my stomach.  A blow to my pride.  But so very needed.  I needed her to call me out on my unforgiveness.  To call it what it was.  To not let it go unsaid, that I was holding on to a sin.  She declared that for me because she loves me.  I'm willing to risk a lot of transparency with an honest friend like that, who has my best interest at heart.  She wasn't going to pass over the topic and validate my wrong.  *Sigh*  I can't tell you what a gift that kind of friendship is.  

That conversation happened with a particular friend, but I have a cluster of girls that could have spoken those words.  These are the girls I keep returning to!  These are the friends I crave time with!  I keep wanting to be real; the more real I am, the more I'm becoming the me I want to be.  I want to be the no B.S. girl who doesn't waste His plan for community.  

Jesus wasn't about B.S. either.  (Excuse my crassness.)  One of the things the Lord has been teaching me for the last year and a half is not to dwell - or even care - when I don't end up pleasing everyone.  Unintentionally I end up offending, hurting, or disappointing people around me because of the expectations they've placed on me.  Most of the time these expectations haven't even been communicated, but somehow it comes out that they're there.  I really struggled with wanting people to like me and figuring out how to keep everyone happy.  A brilliant friend (Yep, one of those girls again!) empathized and said she had struggled with the same issue, but she had found freedom when she learned from Jesus how to think.  She said, "Jesus offended a ton of people, because He was different and set apart.  He was honest and didn't beat around the bush.  So now I think, 'If I'm following Jesus, I will end up offending people.  If I'm super nice and people can't think of any negative things to say about me, well then I'm probably doing something wrong.  I won't be able to please everyone and Jesus at the same time.  I want to live an eccentric life that blesses Him, not be worried about others' approval.'"  Isn't that a beautiful message from one transparent friend to another?  Those words wouldn't be ringing in my head and carrying me through my journey if I hadn't chosen to talk about it or she hadn't been willing to share her story either. 

I know I've gotten a little off course, so I'll wrap up with a final plea.  Be vulnerable in your relationships and find friends that are willing to be equally transparent.  You both will be blessed by the depth of love and support that comes from the friendship.  
  
One of my favorite Christian author/speakers is Lysa TerKeurst.  This morning on facebook she posted the following:  Say "thank you" to the Lord for all of the friendships and relationships that He has placed in your life.  Philippians 1:3-5, "I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the the gospel from the first day until now."

Thank you, girlies, for the amazing gift you are in my "real" life. xoxo   



Some more great friendship verses:

Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Proverbs 12:26
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.    

The Good Samaritan

I just posted this Facebook update earlier this morning, but there's more of the story that I'd like to remember.  First of all, Carter's response is noteworthy.  After I safely pull over on our windy commute choice, Marsh Creek Road, I start the emergency flashers and hurry around to the kids' door.  I see the damage.  All.  Over.  Carter.  I stare at him for a second and simply say, "Poor baby."  His reply?  "Uh. Oh!"  Way to put a smile on my face, even in the midst of this, buddy boy.  

I had to run back to get a bag just in case Noah had another episode.  Then I started wiping up some obvious areas.  Buckles, clothes.  All covered.  How could I get to the cute sickie behind it all?  I was starting to make some progress, when suddenly Hayden yells, "I see Mr. Bell!"  I wasn't of the mind to ask what he meant or if he was serious.  But sure enough, I turn around to see Mr. Bell, the twins' PE teacher, and his daughter.  Now, I've met this man once for a total of 3 minutes.  But he knows we both commute on that same road, he saw the twin sticker and guessed it was us, and he chose to stop.  He helped with the removal of Carter's pukey pants and ended up taking Hayden to school so I could immediately turn around and head back home.  What a great blessing!  

He didn't have to stop.  Yet this is the kind of person teaching my sons at school.  In spite of the morning's events, I have a big smile on my face for that reason alone.  Thanks, Mr. Bell, our good samaritan.           

A Hero is a Hero

What I'm about to write may be perceived as blown out of proportion.  Even vets might think I'm overreacting.  Oh well.  I've had these thoughts for quite some time, and what better time to unleash them than on Veteran's Day - a day meant to honor all of our servicemen and women.  No classifications.  They are all our heroes.

What really bothers me are the jabs, jokes, and put downs targeting other branches of the military... BY OTHER MILITARY!  Did I miss the government memo that ranks the branches in order of importance or cool factor?  Why does one branch think they should communicate a superiority over any other? about tasks, workouts, assignments, boot camp level of difficulty...  My thought is, until you have crossed over and served in more than one branch, you have no right to make negative judgments about any other. 

Where is the brotherhood/camaraderie/support for one other?  Do you not make the same sacrifices?  Are you not all in front of your families and friends and millions of strangers defending your homeland?  I know I'm not a dude, so may be this is just (typically guys) messing with each other and "friendly banter" particularly between the Marines and the Navy.  After all, I know in a way this is how it works with cops and firemen too.  When the worst happens, one serviceman's life is never worth more than another's.  So I don't understand why there can't be a tighter sense of community, affirmation, and honor between all branches of the armed forces on days other than Veteran's and Memorial Day.  A hero is a hero.  

And it may be that there are not many (or any!) others who have picked up on this or get frustrated about it like I do.  But that's the beauty of blogging.  I get to talk about what I want to talk about.  ; )  So that's it.  Thank you, ALL ARMED FORCES, for the work that you do.  You are all important, valuable, selfless, and we are blessed by your willingness to serve.

Snail Mail

Sometimes the littlest things bless my heart. Like getting a piece of snail mail from a dear old friend. And even more so when it says stuff like this - exactly what my own heart says! Facebook is nice to keep in touch, and I'm definitely grateful for how it quickly connects us.  But let us not forget the simple joy of receiving old fashioned mail!  Send one today and bless a friend's day!

Latest Twinisms

Here are a few noteworthy comments the twins have made on our commuting drives this week:

• We have a CD that we still listen to with Classical Conversations songs and memorization stats.  An historical point on the timeline song has the word "conquistadors."  Hayden chuckles and says mockingly, 

              "She said 'kiss the doors.' hahaha..."

•  We have also been talking about a Kindergarten rule regarding flipping cards for bad behaviors.  The boys have informed me that if a student reaches the point of flipping a black card, he or she must visit the principal's office.  I understand that his authority is above Mrs. Nass' and this is perceived as a very serious consequence, but I wanted to explain to them that Mr. Johnson isn't a bad guy.  I told them that their principal was such a kind man and not to be nervous or scared around him just because he has to talk to the kids who are sometimes in trouble - and also not to be scared of the office itself!  I assured them that there are times when it's a great privilege to go visit Mr. Johnson in his office, and it doesn't only mean they are in trouble.  (Is this lecture coming from experience!?)  So out of nowhere in true Noah fashion, his mind halts the conversation exactly where he wants it.  "Mom!! It sounds like Mr. Johnson is a PRINCE!" It took me a second to follow his thinking, but I got there.  Principal=prince.  I later told Mr. Johnson that he could milk this one!  Expect the royal treatment!  ;)   

•   And again one concerning Mr. Johnson and the CC Presidents song...  Johnson's name comes up in the list and Noah has an epiphany.  Again.  "Mom!! Johnson was a president!"  Confused by the obvious statement, I replied simply, "Mmm hmm.  Yep, that's what it said."  He persisted with spirit, "No, Mr. JOHNSON used to be a PRESIDENT!"  Oh man.  I think you are hilarious, kid.  I love how your mind works.

Steps and Stops

A long time ago, I heard something in a Cornerstone sermon that really made an impression on me.  It was a simple statement, but it has become a favorite point for me to reflect on.  With some recent happenings and conversations in our family, it is once again echoing in my mind.

"God orders our steps and our stops."

Imagine you are making decisions pointing you in a certain direction.  Your heart is in it, your reasons make sense, and you feel supported, even led to go a specific path.  You feel like your decisions are lined up with where God wants you.  And then you start living out those decisions.  And then you realize that something is wrong.  

This is where I (or we) found ourselves soon after starting homeschool.  We love the concept of homeschooling.  We especially love the specific learning method that we had adopted using Classical Conversations.  But I figured out quickly that just because you love something, it doesn't mean it's the right fit for your family.

The biggest catalyst to this realization was the extra attention that our cutie Levi needs.  Not trying to make him the scapegoat... It just is what it is.  I was pouring out so much of my time and energy on prepping, schooling, planning, etc. and, as painful as it is to admit, not giving Levi the special attention that he would benefit from.  Yes, homeschooling boasts the opportunity to be flexible.  And believe me, we were flexible.  However, with so many outside appointments and therapy sessions and just - life, much of our "usable productive time" was sabotaged.  I doubt anyone would expect the boys to school in the afternoon - not gonna happen.  When we were making alternative schooling decisions, I shared with a friend that I feared that people would hastily judge me for giving up without really trying it or giving it a fair shot.  Her response was so comforting.  She said, "You had basically been planning to homeschool for the last 3 or 4 years.  You plan, research, get excited for opportunities... But all that time you had no idea that one or any of your kids would have special needs and what that might entail.  No one can judge you for having to make other plans based on what the needs of your family are."  I am not saying that homeschooling with special needs kids is impossible or wrong.  Our very personable God works with each family on a case by case basis, and I am only sharing our case. ;)

There were other things that went into the decision not to homeschool, but I don't need to write a novel here.  All of them can be summed up with: It was evident that God had a different plan for us.  A great verse kept coming to mind: Proverbs 16:9 - A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  As curious as I am, I'll probably never know for sure if God intended us to dive into homeschooling to experience how it would be before turning our heads toward a different direction.  As another friend encouraged us, "You never know what will work for you until you actually try it, so I commend you for what you did!"  But I feel like God very likely could have ordered our steps to homeschool so I could empathize, have a broader understanding, and to kill the "what if I had...?" questions that would resonate in my head for years to come.  Now I know because we tried.  And then He ordered our stop.  And it takes courage to stop and figure out where He does want us if homeschooling is not His best plan.

I say courage because a private education had thus far been kept off the table - but only due to fear.  I would have to rely a little too much for God to provide the tuition, so I didn't honestly consider both options He had put before us way back when.  (And no, I don't want to get into the public vs. private debate.  Everyone has their own convictions and opinions.  Mine are probably different than yours.)  Taking homeschool out of the equation, we have the opportunity to rely on God's provision even more than we already do.  I may be a little nervous, but I am excited for our stewardship skills to be stretched and strengthened.  (The Gillespies are brushing up on our good ol' Dave Ramsey notes! ;) )

All of this stirred in my spirit, by the way, as we were nearing our mission trip to the Philippines.  I felt so distracted because I couldn't stop thinking about this even though I knew it would be wiser to only prepare for Cebu.  Well, the subject erupted out of me to a few people anyway, but Scott tried to hold off on the big conversation.  So when did we actually get to talk about all this?  Opportunities for prayer and counsel about this subject had unexpectedly popped up while hanging out with the Shields, so Scott started to hear a little more during the trip.  On the last night in Cebu, we were finally able to delve deep into our expectations, emotions, realizations, and started praying for a joint sense of peace.  Thank the Lord, that came fast.  For that reason, jet lag was an absolute blessing.  What do you do in the middle of the night when you can't sleep?  Pray and talk about it.  

As more jet-lagged, prayerful nights passed, we had both been given two points of peace: stop homeschooling, and look into Ygnacio Valley Christian School after considering a few other schools.  Following a meeting with the principal and the beloved Kindergarten teacher, Noah and Hayden being interviewed, and filling out paperwork, we were able to transfer just in time to begin the 2nd quarter!

Another point that I don't need to exhaust is why we chose YVCS over other schools.  But as many of you know, my connection runs deep.  Not only was I a student there for 9 years, but I returned to teach there as well.  The philosophy of the school matches what Scott and I are looking for.  That doesn't come along easily, and it makes the trek to school completely worth it.  And now that we have taken the plunge, we have no doubts or hesitations.  It feels like coming home.  It feels like God is ordering our steps again, and we are heading in the right direction after the homeschooling detour. 

Now that we commute to Concord, all the kids rise and shine by 6:45 and are out the door by 7:30.  A little over a week in and we haven't been tardy yet!  Some days I have to go back and forth a couple of times.  Other days I camp out at my parents' house and spend some extra time playing with the younger three or taking Levi to his therapies.  For now, Levi's preschool is on hold.  I am stretching him (my physical therapy homework), and we are continuing to help him learn and mature his skills through play.  The driving doesn't bother me yet; it gives me lots of time to think, talk to the kids, sing our favorite Presidents and timeline songs, and worship with K-Love.

Feel free to ask the boys how they like their new school and teacher, Mrs. Nass!  They are loving it.  And so am I.  Any sadness I might have felt for not getting to do all of the homeschool activities we had hoped to is completely offset by knowing that our kids are already loved by exceptional people who are sharing their amazing talents and gifts.  Whatever good intentions we had can now graduate to a great reality with these teachers' help and presence in our kids' lives!   

Although this was a sharp turn that we never would have foreseen, we are so grateful for what we've learned, our growth in unity, and God's blessings on this path.  And now many of you are thinking, "Goodness, why are you so wordy about it?  So what?!  Now they go to a school..."  Haha.  Well,  this post is more for me anyway.  There are crazy social pressures to school all kinds of ways.  I guess I wanted to put it all out there: that our decision is a big deal to us, that we didn't just hastily or selfishly change our minds, that we aren't choosing to go along with something that isn't right for us, and we aren't embarrassed about any of this either.  I also want to publicly say that you will have my support and understanding in whichever way you choose to school your kids if you are pursuing God's desires and steps for your own family!  

Wow, that was a longer post than I thought it would be!  Thanks for taking the time to read the back story to our big change of plans! ;)    

Thanksgiving Cliff Notes

People are beginning their "20-something days of Thanksgiving" on facebook now.  It isn't likely that I would keep up with it, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it constantly - all throughout the year, actually.  So I'll just mention some of my favorites:

Gosh, I love my husband.  I have a deep, deep love for him that I never thought possible, and I haven't seen anywhere else.  And I have seen some major love stories lived out, but ours is my favorite. :)  I am thankful for how much trust he has in me - in my decision-making, how the Lord moves me, in how I am with the kids, using my talents, carrying out all of my responsibilities... He doesn't micromanage me.  He helps me, motivates me, serves me, is a real team player, and CHERISHES me.  Beyond salvation, he is my favorite gift in this world!!  I am thankful for our marriage that we have been blessed with and striven towards together, even before it began.

I am thankful for our children.  It sounds cliche, but yes, they make me literally pull my hair out.  They rub me the wrong way, don't listen, whine, and are a bunch of - well, immature kids.  Then there are the moments that stun my heart.  Moments when I look at him or her and see a completely joyful spirit or the simplicity of life, love, and trust.  Moments during a time of prayer, a conversation, when they sing along to worship music in the car, or ask me questions about heaven and Jesus, when they dance together, chase each other with giant giggles, or tell me that they love me "super much" and that I'm the best mommy in the whole world.  When these once-upon-a-time babies who were completely dependent on me but now are developing their own styles, desires, talents, and personalities... the colossal reality of my love for them and recognizing what blessings they are to me hits me right between the eyes.  Without them, I would not have the (still very lacking) understanding and empathy of God's love for His children.  I have grown in grace and forgiveness - for myself especially - because I have the honor of raising up my little five-person army for the Lord.  I am thankful for the trials, laughs, and joys we share as a family.  I am also thankful for their adorable faces being assigned to me. ;)

I am thankful for our health, home, comfort, freedoms, fun experiences, church, having choices, faithful friends, and family.  I am thankful for a car, plenty of clothes, luxuries like a dishwasher, cell phone, washing machine and dryer.  I am thankful for a microwave, oven, refrigerator, a stocked pantry.  I'm thankful for medicine, ear plugs, a toothbrush, cold water, and soap.  You think I'm getting too nit-picky or silly?  I just went to a third world country!  I only just got started.  I know I don't always have a spirit of gratitude, but it's something I try to practice.  I could expound on each of these listed, but I do need some sleep.  So I will head to bed soon in my very comfortable, warm bed that I'm extremely thankful for as well!

God, my favorite "thing" to thank You for is choosing and using me.  I'm just me.  But You see what I'm going to be - what You are making me into - and You choose to use me how I am.  Used to bless others, to share who You are, to be Your partner in work...  I am dumbfounded.  There is no greater honor.  I get to have an intimate partnership with the Creator of the Universe, and He really likes talking with me too!

My life verse is I Thess. 5:16-18.  I really do love Thanksgiving - giving thanks; I promise.  ;)  

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.