Friday, December 21, 2012

Hero

I'd like to share a story about a hero in the making.

It starts back on Monday morning - December 17th - when Grandma was driving the twins to school. On the way, they noticed a flag pole where the flag was flying half way down. Then they started asking questions. Why was the flag like that? Grandma answered a few of them, but then she told the boys that any other questions needed to go to Mommy and Daddy. She texted to warn me about their upcoming interrogation.

Now, it's important to mention that at the time the Connecticut school tragedy took place, I was thinking we would share some of the events with the older boys so they could participate in our specific prayers. But once the shock and tears lessened as the weekend went on, and after I spent some time with my sweet, little kindergartners, I decided that there was no good reason to fill them in. No reason to share horrific real events that would create fear and possibly nightmares. No reason to spoil even more of their innocence. The first time I broke down sobbing with the news was when I heard they were small kids - the age of my own. That made it even more piercing. I could empathize with the parents like no other tragedy.

Now, we are pretty open about some stuff: like bad guys, what happens to them and why. We speak about what Daddy does. An early understanding of good and bad consequences, even outside the home and for grown ups, is healthy. But it's not like we took them to the Philippines and explained about sex trafficking - a large part of the country's problems. Some things can still be communicated effectively with vagueness according to their age. But anyway, we decided not to say anything. But then they saw the flag.

I wasn't going to bring it up, so I just waited for them to. It finally happened at Winco - another half mast flag. But I thought I could get away with saying nothing. I honestly wasn't ready since I hadn't talked to Scott yet. But there in the parking lot, I was almost moved to tears with a comment from Noah. The twins were going back and forth about the flag being down again. "Grandma said that the flag is down because there was a war where some kids got killed. And it's really sad." (No, that wasn't her exact explanation, but that's somehow what they took away.) I just agreed at the tail end that it was very sad. Then Noah said, "Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to stop that before it happens." I know it doesn't sound very convincing, but if you could see his determined eyes staring into the distance in the direction of the flag, you'd believe him too. We will do our best to teach you to be brave and stand up for the oppressed, Noah. I bent down and kisses his forehead. Even if that is a desire of his at this age, I am so extremely proud!!

If you are wondering if they ever really asked for an explanation, yes, that just happened. They had already heard from Grandma that some kids were killed, but I focused on the half mast flag - that's really what they were asking about. So I said, "Sometimes the President asks us to lower our flags to show honor and respect for different people. Last week some kids were killed so we are showing them honor. It could be for heroes, or when our country is really sad. We also do it on Veterans Day and Memorial Day and some other days too." They asked a great follow up question. "Mom, do they fly the flag at half mast when every Marine dies?"

I have thoughts on that too, so I'm going to save that for another post.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Mourning for Souls

Regarding the Connecticut elementary school shooting:

I don't mean to sound cruel or insensitive, but I wonder if God is mourning more for the souls that were lost today - not just their earthly lives alone.  When a believer dies, he and God reunite and there is a restorative joy.  But that celebration can't take place when an unbeliever dies.  I never thought about it like this before.  God must mourn for souls like we can't even imagine.  

 I have faith that the children are having a dog-pile, wrestling party with God on His throne, without any tears or sadness.  Their souls are His.  But the shooter and any other adults that didn't put their faith in Jesus... they have lost their chance to be reconciled with the Great Deliverer.  God must be brokenhearted that He can't pursue them any longer.  They denied Him, and it's too late.  They chose their eternities.  

We all have that choice.  We don't know when we will breathe our last breath.  So run to the Father and choose life.  You have already been redeemed - bought back!  Take the gift and say thank you for the rest of your life.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Christmas Letter 2012


Dear Friends and Family,


Thank you for following us over here to read our Christmas letter!  I chose to skip a few steps this year to save paper, ink, and a few pennies in postage.  Other incentives are not worrying about keeping it to one page and a few more pictures too!  We hope we find you in good health, bright spirits, and treasuring your loved ones this season.

This year was filled with the highest of highs and some very low lows.  Often times, they were paired together.  In January, while on a girlfriend getaway, I received news that my Grandma Ruth had passed away unexpectedly.  Then on another weekend away to celebrate my 30th birthday in September, (Ruth's beloved) Grandpa Bob went home to heaven as well.  Losing both grandparents just eight months apart was heavy on the family's spirit, but we are comforted in knowing they are in the presence of their Lord and holding hands once again.  Other illnesses have troubled people very close to us.  We continue to pray for healing and encouragement for those in difficult health trials.

More than anything, we were blessed beyond belief with wonderful experiences in 2012.
Scott and I, along with my parents, accompanied Noah and Hayden to Disneyland to celebrate their 5th birthdays in January.  It was an amazing trip!  I had always dreamed about experiencing the Disney magic through the eyes of our kids.  They dined with characters, swept the princesses off their feet, and even were chosen as the "clones" to fight Darth Vader in Jedi Training.


In April, we played tour guides to Scott's parents and enjoyed a whirlwind two-week trip to Ireland.  This adventure was a dream come true also.  It was a gift we had long been saving for and treated it as a joint-celebration for Steve and Kathy's most recent 35th anniversary and our upcoming 10th anniversary.  We rented a car and traveled clockwise around the island, stayed in B&Bs for the most part, splurged on a castle overnighter, and loved immersing ourselves in the music, history, friendly people, and culture.  The beauty of the country paired with the company truly made it a trip of a lifetime.


Soon after returning home, God urged us to plan a family mission trip with the twins in October.  For months, we fundraised, made arrangements, and set goals for our 10 days in the Philippines.  The boys helped with each step and most of our projects were their ideas: visiting a dump site and orphanage, giving flip flops to people in need, feeding the hungry, praying over people in the hospital, and providing a playground to a poor community in Cebu.  We worked with acquaintances, now great friends, from our church who are full-time missionaries there.  It was not just the boys who came home changed and with a better grasp on Matthew 25.  Scott and I were both challenged to our cores and are still growing and learning from the entire process.  God blessed our vision for the trip and continues to bless our family by the experience.  We hope to have opportunities like this with Gracie, Levi, and Carter sometime in the future as well.

Backtracking a bit: in the summertime, we were able to camp in Oregon with our dear Mullaney friends and also near Point Reyes with the entire immediate Gillespie side of the family.  When Scott headed down to Anaheim for a work convention, I was able to tag along with Levi and Carter.  Special time with just the little guys was wonderful.

So as you can see, we've had many awesome comings and goings.  But I'd love to summarize what "normal daily life" looked like when we actually stayed in one place:

Scott is about to complete his 2nd year with Concord PD and continues to enjoy working with this agency.  He has been widely praised for his performance and proactivity on several cases, and I am extremely proud of his heart for the people.  He's still really involved in the men's ministry at our church: teaching, cooking, supporting the leadership, whatever's needed.  This year he also took on a new hobby of training and running a couple of races.  Tough Mudder, an obstacle-packed race that he did with a team in Tahoe, was a fun challenge for him, and he looks forward to repeating it next year as well.  (Oh, I should mention here that he signed me up to do it with him. Ha!) 

I started out the year by taking a 4-month lay counseling class, which stretched me in big ways both spiritually and with personal relational growth.  Scott was able to participate in most of the class, so we enjoyed wrestling through the discussions that came up each week.  Besides the business of being mom, I've spent time blogging, reading, planning our family's adventures, and participating in Moms Together when I can.  One unexpected change for me was starting out homeschooling and then determining that God had a different plan for us.  Now the twins are attending Ygnacio Valley Christian School in Concord, and we are still trying to balance and juggle the school schedules and commutes along with out-of-the-car quality time.  Big changes, but we are confident that this is the absolute best decision!  Despite many ups and downs, this has been one of my favorite years personally.

March 2012

Noah (5), our little police officer in training (aka. tries to be the enforcer), had a fantastic year becoming an even bigger boy.  He loved being a Pirate on a little league team.  He learned how to swim and raced on the swim team, ditched the training wheels on his new bike, and lost his first two teeth as well.  Most importantly, he has shown some growth in leadership as the oldest brother and in selflessness by obeying God's heart stirrings in Cebu and since returning.  Noah is loving Kindergarten, showing excitement over reading and making many new friends.  

Hayden (5), the self-proclaimed artist and family clown, obviously had a fun-packed year of firsts like his twin.  Though more of a "Ferdinand"-type on the baseball field, he still enjoyed being part of the team.  He also raced on the swim team, earning himself a 2-wheeler bicycle which he mastered on the first ride attempt.  Hayden continues to cultivate a peacemaker spirit and a heart of servanthood and can easily buddy up with any of his siblings.  He absolutely loves school and is the most excited about learning how to read.

Gracie (4), the princess girl we all love to dance with, is as delightful and spunky as ever.  She loves attending preschool, singing, and picking up on nearly all that the boys are learning too.  She has been a supportive little sis in her big brothers' endeavors and shines as "the big sis in charge" whenever they are gone.  Besides preschool, her 2012 highlights include returning to day camp and looking forward to her upcoming 5th birthday Disneyland trip.  Gracie's favorite pastimes are coloring, twirling, playing make believe, going on mommy or daddy dates, cuddling, and making all of us smile and laugh with her sweet hilarity.     

Levi (3), our most joyful little love bug, has had a big year!  He started out at a special ed. preschool and has been a trooper through countless doctor and therapy appointments, evaluations, and orthopedic treatments.  He was given a diagnosis of cerebral palsy for his developmental delays, so we have been navigating through the services that are available to us.  His vocabulary has been my favorite improvement.  Right now, he's on a break from school until we can find one with a more fitting schedule for us.  At home, he loves keeping up with the "Big 3": playing trains, imaginative play, being read to, and superhero stunts.  Levi continues to grow in his role as tender big brother (but loves Carter a little too close sometimes ;) ).  We know that God has designed Levi's heart to endure and prosper through all of his trials, and we already are blessed to see his gentleness and joy affecting many others.

Carter (19 mos.), the crazy yet adorable caboose with those lovely baby blues and luscious curls, keeps us on our toes and my daily productivity to a minimum some days.  His biggest temptations are climbing on the counter, getting into the dishwasher, touching the TV equipment, sneaking ice out of the freezer... (okay, this list is getting super long).  Haha.  Anyway, he is an independent, persistent, and determined adventure seeker who reminds us the importance of consistent, loving discipline.  This year he managed to get away with only a chipped tooth and a broken nose, the latter received by pancaking out of the car.  He is a great commuting buddy and goes with the flow.  Carter loves hanging with the whole gang and is full of endless giggles and fun.  As expected, no matter how big he gets and what milestones we cross off the list, I cherish my forever baby and his tight mama hugs.  

Now wrapping up, I wanted to thank you again for reading our family's update.  Feel free to revisit this blog so you can read the posts throughout the year.  And at the close of 2012, we hope you also take inventory of God's blessings this year.  May you be filled with joy and thankfulness for His countless gifts, the birth of Jesus and the start of our salvation story being at the top of the list!  We love you all dearly and are grateful to have you in our lives.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!    

Love,
Laura

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Caught!

Gracie was caught having integrity among her brothers who were making *ahem* other choices.  We got to celebrate and bless her for her good choice today.  It's not a bribe, but do you think she or her brothers (who missed out) are going to think about this the next time they assume no one is looking or listening?  Hopefully.  This treat won't be given every time they are caught like this, of course.  But sometimes, an extra blessing will be their reward!  You obey: you get blessed in all sorts of different ways. You disobey: you miss out on things.  (Just like how God parents us, no matter what age!) 

Daddy and I are so proud of you for choosing to obey, Babygirl! Keep it up!!



Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Christmas Conundrum

I won't pretend that this crazy "Christmas stress" I'm under is unrelated to our recent mission trip to the Philippines.  From the moment Scott and I walked in the front door of home, something had snapped in us both.  We had spent just nine or ten days among the truly poor.  We had seen horrific living conditions, parents struggling to provide the basic needs for their children.  We spent time with a missionary family that lived fulfilled and contentedly - without the "stuff" that we are accustomed to surrounding us.  And we walked into - in reality - a mansion of a house that we live in.  My heart sank.

I immediately went into purge mode.  I hated - yes, I know that's a strong word - the boxes and drawers of junk the kids had accumulated.  Things they didn't care about, parts of missing parts of a whole were constantly strewn about and looked over during clean up, despite our "play with one thing at a time/clean up as you go" rule attempts.  These toys were the catalyst of "mommy's losing it episodes" at the end of some days.  I would make threats like, "Whatever you don't care to clean up will go in the garbage or be given away."  Not once did I bluff, and when the kids realized I was serious, they suddenly cared and cried on occasion too.

Back to Christmas.  A) We have seen first hand that we don't need as much as we already have.  And we were already on our way to paring down.  So here comes Christmastime and the expectation of presents.  << -enter stress- >>  What do we do?  We weren't planning on any gift-giving too extravagant to begin with, but the new direction we're headed concerning our excess of possessions makes us hesitant to add to the piles.  And B) the kids are already struggling with an apathy for most of the toys they have already been given.  Why would we add to the problem (regarding clean up, responsibility, and even appreciation for having these toys)?  It's not like ridding the current toys to make room for the ones to come is the answer either.  There's something deeper going on.

Over the past few years I have struggled with the concept of Christmas gift giving.  Why do we do it?  Is that confusing to our kids to get heap loads of presents on Someone else's birthday?  A friend of mine and I were talking about this, and her perspective was very helpful.  Her kids may not make lists for themselves.  If they want to make one, it will be for gifts they'd like to give to others.  Instead of a child saying, "I want ...", she is encouraged to say, "I want to give ... to ..."  The focus is giving to others, not receiving for yourself.  I completely agree.  ((Side personal note: On one hand, I think it's great that our kids don't really ask for specific gifts.  I celebrate that because they aren't in the "give me" mindset.  But on the other hand, if they did ask for something specific because they were really excited about it, maybe their appreciation would improve some of our clean up drama.))  Anyway - - as a parent, she said she absolutely loved knocking her kids' socks off with blessings at Christmas because it's a way of representing God's extravagant love and gift giving to us.  I believe that God does love us that way and what fun parental joy regarding presents!  But He's working on our family's heart in a different way right now.  This just can't be how we represent.

Our job as Christian parents is to teach God's perspective and then reteach it again and again whenever the world contradicts it.  Somehow, I just now truly realized that Christmas will have to be retaught over and over.  Challenge accepted!  We look forward to redefining it.  We will guide our children to care about certain things while they still look to us to lead them.  So this Christmas conundrum - figuring out how and what kind of gifts to give this Christmas - will, of course, work itself out.  We are headed for simple: a couple things that they've mentioned or enjoyed in the past along with some "experience" gifts.

I sometimes catch myself getting sucked back into the big, black hole of "I want to get them this, this, this, and wouldn't this be fun!?...(Amazon, thanks a lot!).... and "If I don't get them a lot, they'll feel gipped when another kid reports a long list of cool presents."  I've thought they might not have the awesome, magical Christmases that I had as a kid.  But I'm going to continue letting Christ lead this Christmas season and remind me of what's important.  In the meantime, our 2nd ADVENTure has begun.  I absolutely loved doing this last year; the wonderful and intentional family time was my favorite gift.  Wait, may be it's not such a conundrum after all.  :)

Let every heart prepare Him room!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Triumph of the Day

This is my big triumph of the day. All clothing for seven of us are washed, dried, and put away. This has only happened a few times since taking on the job title of mom. And as more kids of ours "showed up," obviously the deed gets more difficult to accomplish. MIRACLES STILL HAPPEN!! :)

Monday, November 19, 2012

Starbucks Sighting

A couple weeks ago I was sitting in Starbucks and a man walked in.  I caught myself staring since he looked like my Grandpa Ralph.  This moment reminded me of two things: my grandpa never drank Starbucks ever in his life.  He liked supporting the mom and pop shops in America.  The second thing is how much I miss him and wish I could ask him to tell me a story of his one more time.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Minivan Pride

I just want to give a shout out to you, minivan moms. I don't care what society's stereotype is. Take pride in your amazing haven on wheels!! Those old commercials about the mommy timeout in her minivan are spot on. LOL

All this excitement was inspired because our SUV is getting some R&R at the shop right now, and they thoughtfully loaned me this rental for the day. Mommy's party on wheels - that's what this is! I got a smart key. I didn't even know those existed. So neat. This is tripped out with a reverse camera, a sweet stereo set up, automatic doors on a remote, weird storage shifty seats, and a really nice DVD system. Seriously. I really like this thing, and if you have one, consider yourself super blessed in the transportation department! I don't think society knows what it's missing. :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I'm here for a real life.

I'm here for a real life.  Real problems, real ruts, real joys, real victories.  

Personally, I don't understand why people try to hide behind a facade.  Pretending you are someone you're not or portraying yourself in a way that doesn't invite honest, real relationships makes me so sad.  You elevate yourself to an unapproachable position.  Who would want to even attempt to get close to someone so flawless (even if others know that you're not)?  There would be no depth to the relationship.  It might be painful to air out some dirty laundry, but how much more painful is it to live in solitude without any of your friends knowing the real you?  Think about what you might be missing by "saving face": how about rich friendships that you can rely on when you need emotional help, rear guard warriors to pray for you through your current battles, an honest answer when you need to be called out on your crap, having a godly influence and encouraging someone else, being around people who sharpen you and inspire you to live the way God desires instead of fluff and telling you what the selfish you wants to hear.

We all know that people have junk.  We all know that you don't have it all together all the time.  You know why?  Because that's just life.  Life is messy and broken, and the only wholeness comes from a life lived through Jesus, by His power, grace, and love.  But even with Jesus, our life is not all ducky.  He promised us that we'd have trouble.  Woohoo!  Now it's out in the open!  No false pretenses!  The verse in John 16 goes on to say that we are to take heart since Jesus has overcome the world.  The trouble will not always be with us.  And in the meantime, we have Him.  So why pretend?  I don't want to waste my time on this earth.  I'm here for a real life.  I'm here to grow and get closer to Him, one relationship at a time.

I am blessed to be part of some amazing relationships.  Not bragging.  But I do want to inspire you to find some authentic friendships that will change you for the better.  I want to tell these girls how thankful I am for them, for their willingness to be transparent with me.  For urging me to keep growing in the areas I've been working on, for trusting me with their deep, dark "stuff", just as I trust them with mine.  One of these friends and I had a loooong anticipated date last weekend.  We had a whole lot to catch up on.  I was updating her on a struggle of mine, and she bluntly commented, "Well, that's just forgiveness."  She was right, of course.  A blow to my stomach.  A blow to my pride.  But so very needed.  I needed her to call me out on my unforgiveness.  To call it what it was.  To not let it go unsaid, that I was holding on to a sin.  She declared that for me because she loves me.  I'm willing to risk a lot of transparency with an honest friend like that, who has my best interest at heart.  She wasn't going to pass over the topic and validate my wrong.  *Sigh*  I can't tell you what a gift that kind of friendship is.  

That conversation happened with a particular friend, but I have a cluster of girls that could have spoken those words.  These are the girls I keep returning to!  These are the friends I crave time with!  I keep wanting to be real; the more real I am, the more I'm becoming the me I want to be.  I want to be the no B.S. girl who doesn't waste His plan for community.  

Jesus wasn't about B.S. either.  (Excuse my crassness.)  One of the things the Lord has been teaching me for the last year and a half is not to dwell - or even care - when I don't end up pleasing everyone.  Unintentionally I end up offending, hurting, or disappointing people around me because of the expectations they've placed on me.  Most of the time these expectations haven't even been communicated, but somehow it comes out that they're there.  I really struggled with wanting people to like me and figuring out how to keep everyone happy.  A brilliant friend (Yep, one of those girls again!) empathized and said she had struggled with the same issue, but she had found freedom when she learned from Jesus how to think.  She said, "Jesus offended a ton of people, because He was different and set apart.  He was honest and didn't beat around the bush.  So now I think, 'If I'm following Jesus, I will end up offending people.  If I'm super nice and people can't think of any negative things to say about me, well then I'm probably doing something wrong.  I won't be able to please everyone and Jesus at the same time.  I want to live an eccentric life that blesses Him, not be worried about others' approval.'"  Isn't that a beautiful message from one transparent friend to another?  Those words wouldn't be ringing in my head and carrying me through my journey if I hadn't chosen to talk about it or she hadn't been willing to share her story either. 

I know I've gotten a little off course, so I'll wrap up with a final plea.  Be vulnerable in your relationships and find friends that are willing to be equally transparent.  You both will be blessed by the depth of love and support that comes from the friendship.  
  
One of my favorite Christian author/speakers is Lysa TerKeurst.  This morning on facebook she posted the following:  Say "thank you" to the Lord for all of the friendships and relationships that He has placed in your life.  Philippians 1:3-5, "I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the the gospel from the first day until now."

Thank you, girlies, for the amazing gift you are in my "real" life. xoxo   



Some more great friendship verses:

Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Proverbs 12:26
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.    

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Good Samaritan


I just posted this Facebook update earlier this morning, but there's more of the story that I'd like to remember.  First of all, Carter's response is noteworthy.  After I safely pull over on our windy commute choice, Marsh Creek Road, I start the emergency flashers and hurry around to the kids' door.  I see the damage.  All.  Over.  Carter.  I stare at him for a second and simply say, "Poor baby."  His reply?  "Uh. Oh!"  Way to put a smile on my face, even in the midst of this, buddy boy.  

I had to run back to get a bag just in case Noah had another episode.  Then I started wiping up some obvious areas.  Buckles, clothes.  All covered.  How could I get to the cute sickie behind it all?  I was starting to make some progress, when suddenly Hayden yells, "I see Mr. Bell!"  I wasn't of the mind to ask what he meant or if he was serious.  But sure enough, I turn around to see Mr. Bell, the twins' PE teacher, and his daughter.  Now, I've met this man once for a total of 3 minutes.  But he knows we both commute on that same road, he saw the twin sticker and guessed it was us, and he chose to stop.  He helped with the removal of Carter's pukey pants and ended up taking Hayden to school so I could immediately turn around and head back home.  What a great blessing!  

He didn't have to stop.  Yet this is the kind of person teaching my sons at school.  In spite of the morning's events, I have a big smile on my face for that reason alone.  Thanks, Mr. Bell, our good samaritan.           

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A Hero is a Hero


What I'm about to write may be perceived as blown out of proportion.  Even vets might think I'm overreacting.  Oh well.  I've had these thoughts for quite some time, and what better time to unleash them than on Veteran's Day - a day meant to honor all of our servicemen and women.  No classifications.  They are all our heroes.

What really bothers me are the jabs, jokes, and put downs targeting other branches of the military... BY OTHER MILITARY!  Did I miss the government memo that ranks the branches in order of importance or cool factor?  Why does one branch think they should communicate a superiority over any other? about tasks, workouts, assignments, boot camp level of difficulty...  My thought is, until you have crossed over and served in more than one branch, you have no right to make negative judgments about any other. 

Where is the brotherhood/camaraderie/support for one other?  Do you not make the same sacrifices?  Are you not all in front of your families and friends and millions of strangers defending your homeland?  I know I'm not a dude, so may be this is just (typically guys) messing with each other and "friendly banter" particularly between the Marines and the Navy.  After all, I know in a way this is how it works with cops and firemen too.  When the worst happens, one serviceman's life is never worth more than another's.  So I don't understand why there can't be a tighter sense of community, affirmation, and honor between all branches of the armed forces on days other than Veteran's and Memorial Day.  A hero is a hero.  

And it may be that there are not many (or any!) others who have picked up on this or get frustrated about it like I do.  But that's the beauty of blogging.  I get to talk about what I want to talk about.  ; )  So that's it.  Thank you, ALL ARMED FORCES, for the work that you do.  You are all important, valuable, selfless, and we are blessed by your willingness to serve.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Snail Mail

Sometimes the littlest things bless my heart. Like getting a piece of snail mail from a dear old friend. And even more so when it says stuff like this - exactly what my own heart says! Facebook is nice to keep in touch, and I'm definitely grateful for how it quickly connects us.  But let us not forget the simple joy of receiving old fashioned mail!  Send one today and bless a friend's day!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Latest Twinisms

Here are a few noteworthy comments the twins have made on our commuting drives this week:

  • We have a CD that we still listen to with Classical Conversations songs and memorization stats.  An historical point on the timeline song has the word "conquistadors."  Hayden chuckles and says mockingly, 
              "She said 'kiss the doors.' hahaha..."

  •  We have also been talking about a Kindergarten rule regarding flipping cards for bad behaviors.  The boys have informed me that if a student reaches the point of flipping a black card, he or she must visit the principal's office.  I understand that his authority is above Mrs. Nass' and this is perceived as a very serious consequence, but I wanted to explain to them that Mr. Johnson isn't a bad guy.  I told them that their principal was such a kind man and not to be nervous or scared around him just because he has to talk to the kids who are sometimes in trouble - and also not to be scared of the office itself!  I assured them that there are times when it's a great privilege to go visit Mr. Johnson in his office, and it doesn't only mean they are in trouble.  (Is this lecture coming from experience!?)  So out of nowhere in true Noah fashion, his mind halts the conversation exactly where he wants it.  "Mom!! It sounds like Mr. Johnson is a PRINCE!" It took me a second to follow his thinking, but I got there.  Principal=prince.  I later told Mr. Johnson that he could milk this one!  Expect the royal treatment!  ;)   
  •   And again one concerning Mr. Johnson and the CC Presidents song...  Johnson's name comes up in the list and Noah has an epiphany.  Again.  "Mom!! Johnson was a president!"  Confused by the obvious statement, I replied simply, "Mmm hmm.  Yep, that's what it said."  He persisted with spirit, "No, Mr. JOHNSON used to be a PRESIDENT!"  Oh man.  I think you are hilarious, kid.  I love how your mind works.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Steps and Stops

A long time ago, I heard something in a Cornerstone sermon that really made an impression on me.  It was a simple statement, but it has become a favorite point for me to reflect on.  With some recent happenings and conversations in our family, it is once again echoing in my mind.

"God orders our steps and our stops."

Imagine you are making decisions pointing you in a certain direction.  Your heart is in it, your reasons make sense, and you feel supported, even led to go a specific path.  You feel like your decisions are lined up with where God wants you.  And then you start living out those decisions.  And then you realize that something is wrong.  

This is where I (or we) found ourselves soon after starting homeschool.  We love the concept of homeschooling.  We especially love the specific learning method that we had adopted using Classical Conversations.  But I figured out quickly that just because you love something, it doesn't mean it's the right fit for your family.

The biggest catalyst to this realization was the extra attention that our cutie Levi needs.  Not trying to make him the scapegoat... It just is what it is.  I was pouring out so much of my time and energy on prepping, schooling, planning, etc. and, as painful as it is to admit, not giving Levi the special attention that he would benefit from.  Yes, homeschooling boasts the opportunity to be flexible.  And believe me, we were flexible.  However, with so many outside appointments and therapy sessions and just - life, much of our "usable productive time" was sabotaged.  I doubt anyone would expect the boys to school in the afternoon - not gonna happen.  When we were making alternative schooling decisions, I shared with a friend that I feared that people would hastily judge me for giving up without really trying it or giving it a fair shot.  Her response was so comforting.  She said, "You had basically been planning to homeschool for the last 3 or 4 years.  You plan, research, get excited for opportunities... But all that time you had no idea that one or any of your kids would have special needs and what that might entail.  No one can judge you for having to make other plans based on what the needs of your family are."  I am not saying that homeschooling with special needs kids is impossible or wrong.  Our very personable God works with each family on a case by case basis, and I am only sharing our case. ;)

There were other things that went into the decision not to homeschool, but I don't need to write a novel here.  All of them can be summed up with: It was evident that God had a different plan for us.  A great verse kept coming to mind: Proverbs 16:9 - A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  As curious as I am, I'll probably never know for sure if God intended us to dive into homeschooling to experience how it would be before turning our heads toward a different direction.  As another friend encouraged us, "You never know what will work for you until you actually try it, so I commend you for what you did!"  But I feel like God very likely could have ordered our steps to homeschool so I could empathize, have a broader understanding, and to kill the "what if I had...?" questions that would resonate in my head for years to come.  Now I know because we tried.  And then He ordered our stop.  And it takes courage to stop and figure out where He does want us if homeschooling is not His best plan.

I say courage because a private education had thus far been kept off the table - but only due to fear.  I would have to rely a little too much for God to provide the tuition, so I didn't honestly consider both options He had put before us way back when.  (And no, I don't want to get into the public vs. private debate.  Everyone has their own convictions and opinions.  Mine are probably different than yours.)  Taking homeschool out of the equation, we have the opportunity to rely on God's provision even more than we already do.  I may be a little nervous, but I am excited for our stewardship skills to be stretched and strengthened.  (The Gillespies are brushing up on our good ol' Dave Ramsey notes! ;) )

All of this stirred in my spirit, by the way, as we were nearing our mission trip to the Philippines.  I felt so distracted because I couldn't stop thinking about this even though I knew it would be wiser to only prepare for Cebu.  Well, the subject erupted out of me to a few people anyway, but Scott tried to hold off on the big conversation.  So when did we actually get to talk about all this?  Opportunities for prayer and counsel about this subject had unexpectedly popped up while hanging out with the Shields, so Scott started to hear a little more during the trip.  On the last night in Cebu, we were finally able to delve deep into our expectations, emotions, realizations, and started praying for a joint sense of peace.  Thank the Lord, that came fast.  For that reason, jet lag was an absolute blessing.  What do you do in the middle of the night when you can't sleep?  Pray and talk about it.  

As more jet-lagged, prayerful nights passed, we had both been given two points of peace: stop homeschooling, and look into Ygnacio Valley Christian School after considering a few other schools.  Following a meeting with the principal and the beloved Kindergarten teacher, Noah and Hayden being interviewed, and filling out paperwork, we were able to transfer just in time to begin the 2nd quarter!

Another point that I don't need to exhaust is why we chose YVCS over other schools.  But as many of you know, my connection runs deep.  Not only was I a student there for 9 years, but I returned to teach there as well.  The philosophy of the school matches what Scott and I are looking for.  That doesn't come along easily, and it makes the trek to school completely worth it.  And now that we have taken the plunge, we have no doubts or hesitations.  It feels like coming home.  It feels like God is ordering our steps again, and we are heading in the right direction after the homeschooling detour. 

Now that we commute to Concord, all the kids rise and shine by 6:45 and are out the door by 7:30.  A little over a week in and we haven't been tardy yet!  Some days I have to go back and forth a couple of times.  Other days I camp out at my parents' house and spend some extra time playing with the younger three or taking Levi to his therapies.  For now, Levi's preschool is on hold.  I am stretching him (my physical therapy homework), and we are continuing to help him learn and mature his skills through play.  The driving doesn't bother me yet; it gives me lots of time to think, talk to the kids, sing our favorite Presidents and timeline songs, and worship with K-Love.

Feel free to ask the boys how they like their new school and teacher, Mrs. Nass!  They are loving it.  And so am I.  Any sadness I might have felt for not getting to do all of the homeschool activities we had hoped to is completely offset by knowing that our kids are already loved by exceptional people who are sharing their amazing talents and gifts.  Whatever good intentions we had can now graduate to a great reality with these teachers' help and presence in our kids' lives!   

Although this was a sharp turn that we never would have foreseen, we are so grateful for what we've learned, our growth in unity, and God's blessings on this path.  And now many of you are thinking, "Goodness, why are you so wordy about it?  So what?!  Now they go to a school..."  Haha.  Well,  this post is more for me anyway.  There are crazy social pressures to school all kinds of ways.  I guess I wanted to put it all out there: that our decision is a big deal to us, that we didn't just hastily or selfishly change our minds, that we aren't choosing to go along with something that isn't right for us, and we aren't embarrassed about any of this either.  I also want to publicly say that you will have my support and understanding in whichever way you choose to school your kids if you are pursuing God's desires and steps for your own family!  

Wow, that was a longer post than I thought it would be!  Thanks for taking the time to read the back story to our big change of plans! ;)    


Thursday, November 1, 2012

Thanksgiving Cliff Notes


People are beginning their "20-something days of Thanksgiving" on facebook now.  It isn't likely that I would keep up with it, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it constantly - all throughout the year, actually.  So I'll just mention some of my favorites:

Gosh, I love my husband.  I have a deep, deep love for him that I never thought possible, and I haven't seen anywhere else.  And I have seen some major love stories lived out, but ours is my favorite. :)  I am thankful for how much trust he has in me - in my decision-making, how the Lord moves me, in how I am with the kids, using my talents, carrying out all of my responsibilities... He doesn't micromanage me.  He helps me, motivates me, serves me, is a real team player, and CHERISHES me.  Beyond salvation, he is my favorite gift in this world!!  I am thankful for our marriage that we have been blessed with and striven towards together, even before it began.

I am thankful for our children.  It sounds cliche, but yes, they make me literally pull my hair out.  They rub me the wrong way, don't listen, whine, and are a bunch of - well, immature kids.  Then there are the moments that stun my heart.  Moments when I look at him or her and see a completely joyful spirit or the simplicity of life, love, and trust.  Moments during a time of prayer, a conversation, when they sing along to worship music in the car, or ask me questions about heaven and Jesus, when they dance together, chase each other with giant giggles, or tell me that they love me "super much" and that I'm the best mommy in the whole world.  When these once-upon-a-time babies who were completely dependent on me but now are developing their own styles, desires, talents, and personalities... the colossal reality of my love for them and recognizing what blessings they are to me hits me right between the eyes.  Without them, I would not have the (still very lacking) understanding and empathy of God's love for His children.  I have grown in grace and forgiveness - for myself especially - because I have the honor of raising up my little five-person army for the Lord.  I am thankful for the trials, laughs, and joys we share as a family.  I am also thankful for their adorable faces being assigned to me. ;)

I am thankful for our health, home, comfort, freedoms, fun experiences, church, having choices, faithful friends, and family.  I am thankful for a car, plenty of clothes, luxuries like a dishwasher, cell phone, washing machine and dryer.  I am thankful for a microwave, oven, refrigerator, a stocked pantry.  I'm thankful for medicine, ear plugs, a toothbrush, cold water, and soap.  You think I'm getting too nit-picky or silly?  I just went to a third world country!  I only just got started.  I know I don't always have a spirit of gratitude, but it's something I try to practice.  I could expound on each of these listed, but I do need some sleep.  So I will head to bed soon in my very comfortable, warm bed that I'm extremely thankful for as well!

God, my favorite "thing" to thank You for is choosing and using me.  I'm just me.  But You see what I'm going to be - what You are making me into - and You choose to use me how I am.  Used to bless others, to share who You are, to be Your partner in work...  I am dumbfounded.  There is no greater honor.  I get to have an intimate partnership with the Creator of the Universe, and He really likes talking with me too!

My life verse is I Thess. 5:16-18.  I really do love Thanksgiving - giving thanks; I promise.  ;)  

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.




Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Child Training Bible



In my last post I made a reference to our new Child Training Bible, and several friends have asked about it.  Here's a little explanation.

I can't take the credit!  A friend in our church's Moms Together group stumbled upon this product and posted it on our facebook page.  Another mom was going to order and discovered that a group discount applied if you got enough kits.  I think the cost was around $7.00!  So I jumped on the bandwagon.

In addition to the kit, you need a Bible - obviously.  Scott and I made a date of picking one out at Barnes & Noble.  We struggled with choosing what translation we wanted and other options Bibles have now.  We've been really happy so far with the English Standard Version, large print (and it just happened to be the perfect size!).  It was a little pricey, but we saw this as an investment as it has become our special family Bible.  You also need the highlighters and post its that they recommend.  

Then you sit down with all of your supplies and for several evenings (in my experience) look up verse after verse and highlight and tab them.  It takes AWHILE.  But once you're done - WOW!  Such a fabulous resource. 

The idea is that popular heart issues are categorized with corresponding verses that address each.  Let's say a child is struggling with complaining.  You have several references tabbed and highlighted that are specific to the tongue, thankfulness, etc.  All of these topics (some others include tattling, anger, not listening, defiance, pride...) that you are likely to deal with, are broken down so you can look things up with ease.  Is this tool absolutely necessary?  No.  I have a book about training your kids through Scripture.  It basically does the same thing, listing out topics and verses that address each.  But that book is an outside source.  I would constantly have to refer to that book.  And it lists out the Scripture which is nice, but then my kids don't see us literally looking in the Bible for wisdom and answers.  With this kit, they do.  And that's what I love about it.

If you're like me and want the Bible to be your go-to tool for parenting but you don't have the memory skills to think of many applicable verses on the spot, this makes it easy.  I highly recommend it!  If you are interested, you can read more about it and order your own from the website in the picture. :D

(Cornerstone ladies, if any of you read this and have also done the CTB, you should comment about your thoughts/experience with it!)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

He misses his dad... Sorry babe


One of our sons has really been acting up the last couple of weeks - offering a very "fresh" unwelcome attitude and argumentative tone. He's made some pretty yuck choices.  Sneaking candy isn't a huge offense if you think of it as a kid being a kid, but I like to consider things on a bigger scale.  I want to identify the heart issue, not just drive myself mad by dealing with behaviors.  Why would you just brush off the dandruff when you could cure the problem at the scalp root? ;)

Anyway, his time with Daddy has been very limited for the past two weeks due to a schedule change, overtime, and a church men's retreat. At one point I texted Scott something totally under control and completely valid. ;)


That was his only response. "He misses his dad... Sorry babe."  I knew it was true, so why did it surprise me that he was acting out?  Maybe because his twin wasn't?  But we are all different and act out differently and at different times.  For this particular kid, this totally was the driving force.

So going at it alone since Scott was away for the weekend, I needed to stop brushing off the dandruff.  His behaviors pointed me to Bible verses about disobedience, lying, selfishness and stealing since the candy belonged to his brother, and complaining.  I pulled him away and read through these with him and had a wonderful, productive discipline time. ((USING OUR NEW, AWESOME CHILD TRAINING BIBLE!))  He needed extra counsel.  Extra attention.  And as I sat and talked with him, I found myself sobbing.  I had asked him who had been hurt by his choices.  The list was longer than he expected.   I was mourning his sin more than he was, but I'm thinking that's a pretty good model for him.  They don't seem to grasp the severity of sin at that level - I know I didn't.  So why not show him how it affects his parents?  God is our Daddy, Who hurts even more than Scott and I when our kids disobey.  But they won't be able to see God cry over our sinful hearts and actions. But we know He mourns too.

To wrap up I wanted to point out the wonderful connection that fathers, in particular, have with their children.  No wonder the brokenness in society stems from broken, fatherless homes.  One of ours was acting up in no time - on a minor scale compared to the boys in juvenile hall, but still!  Boys need their Daddy!!!  They need that healthy fear, respect, and shepherding from a man who deeply loves them.  Scott can talk to the boys in a certain way that makes them think differently and behave differently because their heart is changing.  What a great partnership a mom/dad team is!  And it brings me back, once again, to how we relate to God, our Daddy.  If we are absent from Him, we act out in no time!  But by staying close and learning how to navigate through life under His loving protection, counsel, and care, we stay upright and walk with Him in His safety.  We will mess up still (and so will our kids), but He is right there to pick us up and brush us off.

What a good Daddy He is; and my wonderful husband is too!!  Since Scott is back and intentionally spending extra time with the kids, I have faith that some heart issues will be ironed out once again.  Fathers: spend TIME with your kids.  They need you more than you think.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Light to my Path

Right now there are big life things going on.  Surprise, surprise, right?  I thought that at the conclusion of our Cebu Mission Trip, we might be able to catch our breath.  Nope.  A big, FAT nope.  Not to say that what's happening isn't great or has great potential.  It's just a lot to think about all at once.  Sorry; being allusive again with more secrets for now.  haha ;)

I have always enjoyed knowing the plan.  And currently, there is no way for me to know even a day ahead of me.  That's tough.  Tonight, I was zipping around cleaning or purging (my latest obsession) and the perfect verse came into my head.   Ps. 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.  I thought about the real picture of these words.  Just like when you're camping and walking a pitch-black trail with only a flashlight to navigate the foreign terrain.  What's important is the next step - not the path way up ahead, not what your neighbor is walking on to your left or your right.  And you can't rush it either.  YOUR path is being lit a little at a time.  He enlightens us as far as He wants to, not necessarily too far ahead, but always to a place that we know we can take some steps without falling.

So instead of stressing because so much is unknown, I will try to faithfully, confidently, patiently take baby steps - a few at a time - until He continues to light our path.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Levi's New (Temporary) Look


Hey there folks, 

I wanted to take a moment and explain what's been going on with Levi.  There is always so much filling up our little guy's calendar - now you'll know why!

For the last several months, we have had LOTS of doctor and therapist appointments, testing all kinds of things.  Nothing too serious -  just seeing where he fits in developmentally and figuring out what services are needed to try to close the gaps.  It seems as if each person and group needs their own test performed.  Some days he has 3-4 appointments.  Poor thing.  If only they could just test him once and be done with it!  

Levi has been going to his special needs preschool for nearly a year, and we have been pleased to see him improve and reach all the goals his teachers set out for him.  With his cerebral palsy diagnosis, we were given access to whatever specialties he qualifies for under California Children's Services (CCS).  Speech is taken care of through the preschool, but on the side, we have weekly occupational and physical therapy appointments.  His 3rd birthday last Sunday ended his time at the one preschool and his case got turned over to our school district.  All geared up with his first IEP, he had his first day at the new preschool on Monday.    

While on the CCS waiting list for physical therapy, we were encouraged to start therapy through our insurance provider.  We started seeing a PT from Kaiser who noticed how incredibly tight and toned Levi's calf muscles are from constantly walking on his toes.  He got fitted for AFOs (ankle-foot orthotics) aka his special boots, which were supposed to train him to walk with the heel down and increase his ankles' range of motion.  Well, no cutesy name could change what Levi thought of them.  After we tried to get his heel all the way down in the boots, especially on his left side, it wasn't long before he had eeked out of it and was screaming in pain.  Back to the PT we went.  Was I putting them on wrong?  Oh, I hoped it was user error!  She reassured me that it was tough, but we had to be aggressive before it got any worse.  Her orders increased from 8 hours a day (we hadn't even made it to 1.5) to 23.  

There was NO way we could fulfill the PTs orders to put him in those things for 23 hours a day.  Every time we even approached him to put them on, he'd run the other direction and fuss.  After a couple attempts at overnight wear and the "you have to wear these no matter how much you complain," his agonizing pain made me want to give up and ask for surgery.  Just about this time, we were placed with our PT through CCS.  I liked her instantly because when I told her about Levi's reactions to the AFOs, she was taken aback and said, "It shouldn't be at all like this.  We need to go with a different plan."  YES!  Thank you!  She got to call the PT from Kaiser (they now are forced to work together ;) ) and encourage/demand that we attempt serial casting.  This process is a gradual muscle stretch.  Today, Levi got a fiberglass cast on his left foot at a gentle 40ish degree angle.  In a week, we go back and he gets a new one put on at a larger angle.  We repeat this cycle for 4 weeks until his muscle has been stretched out pretty good.  So it looks like he broke his leg, but he didn't! :D  

He continues to be a good sport about and during most of his appointments.  I am praying that this method a) works, b) causes minor or no pain for Levi,  and c) puts us on the right path for other improvements.  The new PT said that his muscle tone from toe walking is the source of much of his gross motor delays and his lack of balance.  If we can knock out a few more battles for him by handling this one, I will be so overjoyed!  

As a side report, I wanted to tell you what a thrilling and encouraging Levi week we have had since Noah, Hayden, Scott, and I got back from the Philippines.  (blogs about that will be coming soon)  On Levi's birthday, something seemed to click and the big 3 year old started stringing together words to make up his own little sentences.  They are still very fragmented, but still!  We had barely heard two words together and here he was using up to four!  So we have been very excited to communicate more freely with him.  The littlest improvements continue to be the biggest blessings!  Even today as he was having a sneeze attack on the way home from Kaiser, I told him, "Poor baby!"  Levi retorted me, "No baby me."  "Oh! I'm sorry!  Should I say 'Poor big boy'?" "Yeah!"  He really does seem like a much bigger boy this week!

So that sheds a little more light on what's up with Levi (and some of our family's chaos too!).  We would appreciate your prayers for Levi's casting process to be effective and pain-free!


Thursday, September 27, 2012

My Reason


I love when you go somewhere and someone says, "There's a reason that each and every one of you is here today."  And then you anxiously wait to find out what God wants to tell you or how He wants to love you.  Today, my 'reason' was beyond wonderful, and it wasn't the one I expected, of course.

Renewed.  Re-inspired.  Supported.  Confirmed.  
Encouraged.  Emotional.  Prayed over and loved.

To those who know the person who was 'my reason' today, this will give away her identity:

"Don't 'should' on yourself."

THE best words for what's on my mind and heart the past week.  Seriously, He knows what He's doing with these divine appointment things.


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Thoughts on Thirty

Birthday dinner at Rutherford Grill

The last week of my twenties was filled with laundry, homeschool, getting some weird flu bug, phone calls, Kaiser visits, and crossing off an insane number of to do's only to add that number or more back on the list.  (I'm going to get off topic for a bit, but I'll come back to my twenties later.)

In the midst of my craziness, I often think, "How/Why am I juggling so many balls right now!?"  The question is usually aimed towards the heavens.  I feel like I am doing a lot of things mediocre instead of doing any of them really well.  However, I am my harshest critic and my dear Scott would always disagree with a long list of my successes prepared to affirm me.  During these flashes of self-doubt, I am reminded that it is supposed to be hard - no, impossible - for me to do everything I have on my plate even satisfactory.

I think a main point of maturity is recognizing that an increase in responsibility shouldn't be a boost in self-confidence or self-reliance.  It should be a boost of reliance in God's grace, His support and equipping for any additional task He has given.  We were never intended to live on our own strength.  The only way I can count myself as successful as I manage all of my wife/mom/friend/sister/roommate/daughter/teacher/church member/etc. duties is if I accept the invitation to lean on the Lord everyday for the strength to tackle whatever is coming.  He will direct my path.  He will guide my daily to do's so I know that what was supposed to be done, did get done that day.  So many days I think to myself, "Wow.  Five is a lot today."  This juggling act is insane,  but it's not just my hands that are involved - as long as I let Him close to me.

Okay, moving back to my last week in the glorious second decade of my life.  In the few calm (after the kids' bedtime) moments I had, I got to think over the past ten years.  I love reminiscing and remembering.  I love reliving my favorite experiences in my head.  The blessings overwhelm me and my eyes blur.  This isn't a brag report.  This is me, recognizing the amazing gifts I have enjoyed and praising God for living out John 10:10 - living life to the fullest!!

In my twenties - right off the bat, I put the finishing touches on a dream wedding and I married my best friend and the man who I cannot get enough of.  I love him so deeply that the vulnerability feels scary yet wonderful at the same time.  We had an incredible honeymoon in St. Maarten, played house and finished up college with the honors I strived for.  We spent 3 1/2 weeks in Europe.  I had my dream job for two years, teaching with "family" who became my mentors and friends.  We were blessed with five children, who not only encourage growth in us, but give us so much joy and add an unreal amount of humor to our lives.  We had wonderful trips to British Columbia, New York, Washington, D.C., Hawaii, the Bahamas, Acapulco, Palm Springs, Ireland, Seattle, Disneyland, sprinkled with local weekend getaways.  Our marriage has remained pure, strong, and lovely.  We have "grown up" in a lot of ways with each other.  Not perfect by any means - but such a gift.

Now remember that these are the things I love to think about.  There were plenty of events that I left out because, quite frankly, they just weren't as fun.  I have gotten to do so much, I've been telling Scott that I can't imagine my thirties being nearly as wonderful.  But then, I had no clue the last 10 years would be so amazing.  Who am I to predict my future?  And even if we don't do as much, I am in charge of choosing joy for what does await me.  And I'm not one to sit by and let anyone steal my joy.

I have never thought 30 was old, but here is the breakdown of the decades that has my head kind of spinning.  Twenties was us getting married and having all of our kids.  Thirties is the meat of us raising our kids.  And forties is when we start and finish the empty-nesting process (hypothetically of course).  That perspective freaks me out!

So, here I am.  Now 30.  I kicked it off with doing another bucket lister - a hot air balloon ride.  We are living out our family mission statement and headed to the Philippines in two weeks.  I am loving this decade so far.  (haha)

For my third decade, I pray that I will have health, good rest, energy, patience, and the endurance to raise up our little chicks and all that that entails.  I pray that I will learn how to honor and serve Scott better and grow in maturity in our marriage.  I pray that I will continue on this path of caring less what people think and more of only what God thinks, of accepting grace from Him and myself.  I pray that my eyes stay fixed on what matters, and not get caught up with surrounding drama.  I pray that I will be a better steward of my time and resources.  I pray that all I am and all I do points to You.

Thank you, SO MUCH, for this life, my Lord.  I am undeserving but so grateful.