The Christmas Conundrum

I won't pretend that this crazy "Christmas stress" I'm under is unrelated to our recent mission trip to the Philippines.  From the moment Scott and I walked in the front door of home, something had snapped in us both.  We had spent just nine or ten days among the truly poor.  We had seen horrific living conditions, parents struggling to provide the basic needs for their children.  We spent time with a missionary family that lived fulfilled and contentedly - without the "stuff" that we are accustomed to surrounding us.  And we walked into - in reality - a mansion of a house that we live in.  My heart sank.

I immediately went into purge mode.  I hated - yes, I know that's a strong word - the boxes and drawers of junk the kids had accumulated.  Things they didn't care about, parts of missing parts of a whole were constantly strewn about and looked over during clean up, despite our "play with one thing at a time/clean up as you go" rule attempts.  These toys were the catalyst of "mommy's losing it episodes" at the end of some days.  I would make threats like, "Whatever you don't care to clean up will go in the garbage or be given away."  Not once did I bluff, and when the kids realized I was serious, they suddenly cared and cried on occasion too.

Back to Christmas.  A) We have seen first hand that we don't need as much as we already have.  And we were already on our way to paring down.  So here comes Christmastime and the expectation of presents.  << -enter stress- >>  What do we do?  We weren't planning on any gift-giving too extravagant to begin with, but the new direction we're headed concerning our excess of possessions makes us hesitant to add to the piles.  And B) the kids are already struggling with an apathy for most of the toys they have already been given.  Why would we add to the problem (regarding clean up, responsibility, and even appreciation for having these toys)?  It's not like ridding the current toys to make room for the ones to come is the answer either.  There's something deeper going on.

Over the past few years I have struggled with the concept of Christmas gift giving.  Why do we do it?  Is that confusing to our kids to get heap loads of presents on Someone else's birthday?  A friend of mine and I were talking about this, and her perspective was very helpful.  Her kids may not make lists for themselves.  If they want to make one, it will be for gifts they'd like to give to others.  Instead of a child saying, "I want ...", she is encouraged to say, "I want to give ... to ..."  The focus is giving to others, not receiving for yourself.  I completely agree.  ((Side personal note: On one hand, I think it's great that our kids don't really ask for specific gifts.  I celebrate that because they aren't in the "give me" mindset.  But on the other hand, if they did ask for something specific because they were really excited about it, maybe their appreciation would improve some of our clean up drama.))  Anyway - - as a parent, she said she absolutely loved knocking her kids' socks off with blessings at Christmas because it's a way of representing God's extravagant love and gift giving to us.  I believe that God does love us that way and what fun parental joy regarding presents!  But He's working on our family's heart in a different way right now.  This just can't be how we represent.

Our job as Christian parents is to teach God's perspective and then reteach it again and again whenever the world contradicts it.  Somehow, I just now truly realized that Christmas will have to be retaught over and over.  Challenge accepted!  We look forward to redefining it.  We will guide our children to care about certain things while they still look to us to lead them.  So this Christmas conundrum - figuring out how and what kind of gifts to give this Christmas - will, of course, work itself out.  We are headed for simple: a couple things that they've mentioned or enjoyed in the past along with some "experience" gifts.

I sometimes catch myself getting sucked back into the big, black hole of "I want to get them this, this, this, and wouldn't this be fun!?...(Amazon, thanks a lot!).... and "If I don't get them a lot, they'll feel gipped when another kid reports a long list of cool presents."  I've thought they might not have the awesome, magical Christmases that I had as a kid.  But I'm going to continue letting Christ lead this Christmas season and remind me of what's important.  In the meantime, our 2nd ADVENTure has begun.  I absolutely loved doing this last year; the wonderful and intentional family time was my favorite gift.  Wait, may be it's not such a conundrum after all.  :)

Let every heart prepare Him room!