Hero

I'd like to share a story about a hero in the making.

It starts back on Monday morning - December 17th - when Grandma was driving the twins to school. On the way, they noticed a flag pole where the flag was flying half way down. Then they started asking questions. Why was the flag like that? Grandma answered a few of them, but then she told the boys that any other questions needed to go to Mommy and Daddy. She texted to warn me about their upcoming interrogation.

Now, it's important to mention that at the time the Connecticut school tragedy took place, I was thinking we would share some of the events with the older boys so they could participate in our specific prayers. But once the shock and tears lessened as the weekend went on, and after I spent some time with my sweet, little kindergartners, I decided that there was no good reason to fill them in. No reason to share horrific real events that would create fear and possibly nightmares. No reason to spoil even more of their innocence. The first time I broke down sobbing with the news was when I heard they were small kids - the age of my own. That made it even more piercing. I could empathize with the parents like no other tragedy.

Now, we are pretty open about some stuff: like bad guys, what happens to them and why. We speak about what Daddy does. An early understanding of good and bad consequences, even outside the home and for grown ups, is healthy. But it's not like we took them to the Philippines and explained about sex trafficking - a large part of the country's problems. Some things can still be communicated effectively with vagueness according to their age. But anyway, we decided not to say anything. But then they saw the flag.

I wasn't going to bring it up, so I just waited for them to. It finally happened at Winco - another half mast flag. But I thought I could get away with saying nothing. I honestly wasn't ready since I hadn't talked to Scott yet. But there in the parking lot, I was almost moved to tears with a comment from Noah. The twins were going back and forth about the flag being down again. "Grandma said that the flag is down because there was a war where some kids got killed. And it's really sad." (No, that wasn't her exact explanation, but that's somehow what they took away.) I just agreed at the tail end that it was very sad. Then Noah said, "Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to stop that before it happens." I know it doesn't sound very convincing, but if you could see his determined eyes staring into the distance in the direction of the flag, you'd believe him too. We will do our best to teach you to be brave and stand up for the oppressed, Noah. I bent down and kisses his forehead. Even if that is a desire of his at this age, I am so extremely proud!!

If you are wondering if they ever really asked for an explanation, yes, that just happened. They had already heard from Grandma that some kids were killed, but I focused on the half mast flag - that's really what they were asking about. So I said, "Sometimes the President asks us to lower our flags to show honor and respect for different people. Last week some kids were killed so we are showing them honor. It could be for heroes, or when our country is really sad. We also do it on Veterans Day and Memorial Day and some other days too." They asked a great follow up question. "Mom, do they fly the flag at half mast when every Marine dies?"

I have thoughts on that too, so I'm going to save that for another post.

Mourning for Souls

Regarding the Connecticut elementary school shooting:

I don't mean to sound cruel or insensitive, but I wonder if God is mourning more for the souls that were lost today - not just their earthly lives alone.  When a believer dies, he and God reunite and there is a restorative joy.  But that celebration can't take place when an unbeliever dies.  I never thought about it like this before.  God must mourn for souls like we can't even imagine.  

 I have faith that the children are having a dog-pile, wrestling party with God on His throne, without any tears or sadness.  Their souls are His.  But the shooter and any other adults that didn't put their faith in Jesus... they have lost their chance to be reconciled with the Great Deliverer.  God must be brokenhearted that He can't pursue them any longer.  They denied Him, and it's too late.  They chose their eternities.  

We all have that choice.  We don't know when we will breathe our last breath.  So run to the Father and choose life.  You have already been redeemed - bought back!  Take the gift and say thank you for the rest of your life.

Christmas Letter 2012

Dear Friends and Family,


Thank you for following us over here to read our Christmas letter!  I chose to skip a few steps this year to save paper, ink, and a few pennies in postage.  Other incentives are not worrying about keeping it to one page and a few more pictures too!  We hope we find you in good health, bright spirits, and treasuring your loved ones this season.

This year was filled with the highest of highs and some very low lows.  Often times, they were paired together.  In January, while on a girlfriend getaway, I received news that my Grandma Ruth had passed away unexpectedly.  Then on another weekend away to celebrate my 30th birthday in September, (Ruth's beloved) Grandpa Bob went home to heaven as well.  Losing both grandparents just eight months apart was heavy on the family's spirit, but we are comforted in knowing they are in the presence of their Lord and holding hands once again.  Other illnesses have troubled people very close to us.  We continue to pray for healing and encouragement for those in difficult health trials.

More than anything, we were blessed beyond belief with wonderful experiences in 2012.
Scott and I, along with my parents, accompanied Noah and Hayden to Disneyland to celebrate their 5th birthdays in January.  It was an amazing trip!  I had always dreamed about experiencing the Disney magic through the eyes of our kids.  They dined with characters, swept the princesses off their feet, and even were chosen as the "clones" to fight Darth Vader in Jedi Training.

In April, we played tour guides to Scott's parents and enjoyed a whirlwind two-week trip to Ireland.  This adventure was a dream come true also.  It was a gift we had long been saving for and treated it as a joint-celebration for Steve and Kathy's most recent 35th anniversary and our upcoming 10th anniversary.  We rented a car and traveled clockwise around the island, stayed in B&Bs for the most part, splurged on a castle overnighter, and loved immersing ourselves in the music, history, friendly people, and culture.  The beauty of the country paired with the company truly made it a trip of a lifetime.

Soon after returning home, God urged us to plan a family mission trip with the twins in October.  For months, we fundraised, made arrangements, and set goals for our 10 days in the Philippines.  The boys helped with each step and most of our projects were their ideas: visiting a dump site and orphanage, giving flip flops to people in need, feeding the hungry, praying over people in the hospital, and providing a playground to a poor community in Cebu.  We worked with acquaintances, now great friends, from our church who are full-time missionaries there.  It was not just the boys who came home changed and with a better grasp on Matthew 25.  Scott and I were both challenged to our cores and are still growing and learning from the entire process.  God blessed our vision for the trip and continues to bless our family by the experience.  We hope to have opportunities like this with Gracie, Levi, and Carter sometime in the future as well.

Backtracking a bit: in the summertime, we were able to camp in Oregon with our dear Mullaney friends and also near Point Reyes with the entire immediate Gillespie side of the family.  When Scott headed down to Anaheim for a work convention, I was able to tag along with Levi and Carter.  Special time with just the little guys was wonderful.

So as you can see, we've had many awesome comings and goings.  But I'd love to summarize what "normal daily life" looked like when we actually stayed in one place:

Scott is about to complete his 2nd year with Concord PD and continues to enjoy working with this agency.  He has been widely praised for his performance and proactivity on several cases, and I am extremely proud of his heart for the people.  He's still really involved in the men's ministry at our church: teaching, cooking, supporting the leadership, whatever's needed.  This year he also took on a new hobby of training and running a couple of races.  Tough Mudder, an obstacle-packed race that he did with a team in Tahoe, was a fun challenge for him, and he looks forward to repeating it next year as well.  (Oh, I should mention here that he signed me up to do it with him. Ha!) 

I started out the year by taking a 4-month lay counseling class, which stretched me in big ways both spiritually and with personal relational growth.  Scott was able to participate in most of the class, so we enjoyed wrestling through the discussions that came up each week.  Besides the business of being mom, I've spent time blogging, reading, planning our family's adventures, and participating in Moms Together when I can.  One unexpected change for me was starting out homeschooling and then determining that God had a different plan for us.  Now the twins are attending Ygnacio Valley Christian School in Concord, and we are still trying to balance and juggle the school schedules and commutes along with out-of-the-car quality time.  Big changes, but we are confident that this is the absolute best decision!  Despite many ups and downs, this has been one of my favorite years personally.

March 2012

Noah (5), our little police officer in training (aka. tries to be the enforcer), had a fantastic year becoming an even bigger boy.  He loved being a Pirate on a little league team.  He learned how to swim and raced on the swim team, ditched the training wheels on his new bike, and lost his first two teeth as well.  Most importantly, he has shown some growth in leadership as the oldest brother and in selflessness by obeying God's heart stirrings in Cebu and since returning.  Noah is loving Kindergarten, showing excitement over reading and making many new friends.  

Hayden (5), the self-proclaimed artist and family clown, obviously had a fun-packed year of firsts like his twin.  Though more of a "Ferdinand"-type on the baseball field, he still enjoyed being part of the team.  He also raced on the swim team, earning himself a 2-wheeler bicycle which he mastered on the first ride attempt.  Hayden continues to cultivate a peacemaker spirit and a heart of servanthood and can easily buddy up with any of his siblings.  He absolutely loves school and is the most excited about learning how to read.

Gracie (4), the princess girl we all love to dance with, is as delightful and spunky as ever.  She loves attending preschool, singing, and picking up on nearly all that the boys are learning too.  She has been a supportive little sis in her big brothers' endeavors and shines as "the big sis in charge" whenever they are gone.  Besides preschool, her 2012 highlights include returning to day camp and looking forward to her upcoming 5th birthday Disneyland trip.  Gracie's favorite pastimes are coloring, twirling, playing make believe, going on mommy or daddy dates, cuddling, and making all of us smile and laugh with her sweet hilarity.     

Levi (3), our most joyful little love bug, has had a big year!  He started out at a special ed. preschool and has been a trooper through countless doctor and therapy appointments, evaluations, and orthopedic treatments.  He was given a diagnosis of cerebral palsy for his developmental delays, so we have been navigating through the services that are available to us.  His vocabulary has been my favorite improvement.  Right now, he's on a break from school until we can find one with a more fitting schedule for us.  At home, he loves keeping up with the "Big 3": playing trains, imaginative play, being read to, and superhero stunts.  Levi continues to grow in his role as tender big brother (but loves Carter a little too close sometimes ;) ).  We know that God has designed Levi's heart to endure and prosper through all of his trials, and we already are blessed to see his gentleness and joy affecting many others.

Carter (19 mos.), the crazy yet adorable caboose with those lovely baby blues and luscious curls, keeps us on our toes and my daily productivity to a minimum some days.  His biggest temptations are climbing on the counter, getting into the dishwasher, touching the TV equipment, sneaking ice out of the freezer... (okay, this list is getting super long).  Haha.  Anyway, he is an independent, persistent, and determined adventure seeker who reminds us the importance of consistent, loving discipline.  This year he managed to get away with only a chipped tooth and a broken nose, the latter received by pancaking out of the car.  He is a great commuting buddy and goes with the flow.  Carter loves hanging with the whole gang and is full of endless giggles and fun.  As expected, no matter how big he gets and what milestones we cross off the list, I cherish my forever baby and his tight mama hugs.  

Now wrapping up, I wanted to thank you again for reading our family's update.  Feel free to revisit this blog so you can read the posts throughout the year.  And at the close of 2012, we hope you also take inventory of God's blessings this year.  May you be filled with joy and thankfulness for His countless gifts, the birth of Jesus and the start of our salvation story being at the top of the list!  We love you all dearly and are grateful to have you in our lives.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!    

Love,

Laura

Caught!

Gracie was caught having integrity among her brothers who were making *ahem* other choices.  We got to celebrate and bless her for her good choice today.  It's not a bribe, but do you think she or her brothers (who missed out) are going to think about this the next time they assume no one is looking or listening?  Hopefully.  This treat won't be given every time they are caught like this, of course.  But sometimes, an extra blessing will be their reward!  You obey: you get blessed in all sorts of different ways. You disobey: you miss out on things.  (Just like how God parents us, no matter what age!) 

Daddy and I are so proud of you for choosing to obey, Babygirl! Keep it up!!

The Christmas Conundrum

I won't pretend that this crazy "Christmas stress" I'm under is unrelated to our recent mission trip to the Philippines.  From the moment Scott and I walked in the front door of home, something had snapped in us both.  We had spent just nine or ten days among the truly poor.  We had seen horrific living conditions, parents struggling to provide the basic needs for their children.  We spent time with a missionary family that lived fulfilled and contentedly - without the "stuff" that we are accustomed to surrounding us.  And we walked into - in reality - a mansion of a house that we live in.  My heart sank.

I immediately went into purge mode.  I hated - yes, I know that's a strong word - the boxes and drawers of junk the kids had accumulated.  Things they didn't care about, parts of missing parts of a whole were constantly strewn about and looked over during clean up, despite our "play with one thing at a time/clean up as you go" rule attempts.  These toys were the catalyst of "mommy's losing it episodes" at the end of some days.  I would make threats like, "Whatever you don't care to clean up will go in the garbage or be given away."  Not once did I bluff, and when the kids realized I was serious, they suddenly cared and cried on occasion too.

Back to Christmas.  A) We have seen first hand that we don't need as much as we already have.  And we were already on our way to paring down.  So here comes Christmastime and the expectation of presents.  << -enter stress- >>  What do we do?  We weren't planning on any gift-giving too extravagant to begin with, but the new direction we're headed concerning our excess of possessions makes us hesitant to add to the piles.  And B) the kids are already struggling with an apathy for most of the toys they have already been given.  Why would we add to the problem (regarding clean up, responsibility, and even appreciation for having these toys)?  It's not like ridding the current toys to make room for the ones to come is the answer either.  There's something deeper going on.

Over the past few years I have struggled with the concept of Christmas gift giving.  Why do we do it?  Is that confusing to our kids to get heap loads of presents on Someone else's birthday?  A friend of mine and I were talking about this, and her perspective was very helpful.  Her kids may not make lists for themselves.  If they want to make one, it will be for gifts they'd like to give to others.  Instead of a child saying, "I want ...", she is encouraged to say, "I want to give ... to ..."  The focus is giving to others, not receiving for yourself.  I completely agree.  ((Side personal note: On one hand, I think it's great that our kids don't really ask for specific gifts.  I celebrate that because they aren't in the "give me" mindset.  But on the other hand, if they did ask for something specific because they were really excited about it, maybe their appreciation would improve some of our clean up drama.))  Anyway - - as a parent, she said she absolutely loved knocking her kids' socks off with blessings at Christmas because it's a way of representing God's extravagant love and gift giving to us.  I believe that God does love us that way and what fun parental joy regarding presents!  But He's working on our family's heart in a different way right now.  This just can't be how we represent.

Our job as Christian parents is to teach God's perspective and then reteach it again and again whenever the world contradicts it.  Somehow, I just now truly realized that Christmas will have to be retaught over and over.  Challenge accepted!  We look forward to redefining it.  We will guide our children to care about certain things while they still look to us to lead them.  So this Christmas conundrum - figuring out how and what kind of gifts to give this Christmas - will, of course, work itself out.  We are headed for simple: a couple things that they've mentioned or enjoyed in the past along with some "experience" gifts.

I sometimes catch myself getting sucked back into the big, black hole of "I want to get them this, this, this, and wouldn't this be fun!?...(Amazon, thanks a lot!).... and "If I don't get them a lot, they'll feel gipped when another kid reports a long list of cool presents."  I've thought they might not have the awesome, magical Christmases that I had as a kid.  But I'm going to continue letting Christ lead this Christmas season and remind me of what's important.  In the meantime, our 2nd ADVENTure has begun.  I absolutely loved doing this last year; the wonderful and intentional family time was my favorite gift.  Wait, may be it's not such a conundrum after all.  :)

Let every heart prepare Him room!