My Recent Re-Realization

Is it possible to re-realize something?  I think yes.  You realize once and then you realize again.  Re-realize.  C'mon, Shakespeare made up thousands of words; I want to get in on the fun.

Anyway, I have re-realized something.  Media matters.  I once created a whole curriculum for 5th graders about this topic.  I think media affects us in more ways than we'd like to admit.  There's news, music, television, magazines...  I want to hone in on movies.  My husband likes to joke about chick flicks.  He looks at my DVD library and says they're all the same movie, just with different titles.  I see the humor.  Ha.  Ha.  There's something else he says about them though.  I'll add that in in a minute.

Sadly, I have found these types of movies have affected my expectations in certain situations.  How romantic is the thoughtful, planned out date of dinner and dancing on the rooftop decorated with twinkle lights, chasing the woman to the airport or across the country after a quarrel, all the over the top gestures that just aren't realistic in every day life?  I don't know if women are writing these movies based on their romantic fantasies, or if men are writing them based on what their wives are saying women want to see or view as romantic.  Whichever it may be, I'm pretty certain these stories aren't coming from real peoples' lives.  So what happens if we see the same thing over and over again?  We become conditioned.  I admit that I've gotten a little down a few times when one of my birthdays or our anniversaries weren't a planned out and wonderfully executed surprise and romantic experience.  Somehow I have been warped to think that some movie plot elements need to invade my reality.  I'm just setting myself, and more importantly and depressingly, my dear husband up for disappointment.  If I waltz around with these lofty expectations in my head, I deflate and discourage him.  I convey the message (even if I don't beat him over the head with it) that his efforts aren't good enough.  How bratty is that?  

I'm not saying I want to give up on the ideal of romance altogether.  Oh heck no.  But I need to be mindful on just him.  His romantic words and actions will look different from those portrayed in the movies.  And if I don't compare him with any other "false advertising," I will appreciate those loving experiences so much more, filling up my love tank and his respect tank too!  (Because really, he does a pretty darn good job on most days which says more about his adoration than if it only showed up on Hallmark holidays, no?)

The other part of chick flicks that seriously irritates Scott is the desensitizing of godly (moral) standards and living pertaining to relationships.  Can you think of ANY chick flick that does not have an affair, or an engaged woman finding a better fit at the last minute and jumping ship with the first guy, not to mention promiscuity.  If you can, I want you to comment the title.  It's hard for sure.  Christian women may view these movies as I do, thinking, "I know those actions are wrong so it's not going to affect me... it's not like I'm going to go have an affair."  But it's one more avenue for the Devil to do damage - at least in my life based on my vulnerability to feeling insecure in this area.  We see movie husbands AND wives lie to each other about extra-marital affairs.  A friend and I were just talking about this and she said, "It's like you're watching a movie and you want to scream to the wife, 'No, don't believe him! He's lying to you!'"  So the next time, in our real life marriages, when we have certain themed discussions one may wonder, "Is this like that scene in the movies?  Can we really trust our husbands or are we being duped?"  Seeds of doubt are already in our brains when our 'on all other accounts have proven themselves to be honest and trustworthy' husbands tell us that they are still committed to us and will remain faithful.  Our husbands are competing with the fears and insecurities brought to a head by this 'mindless entertainment'.  

I have been praying that God would strengthen my trust for Scott and his word and for me to simply allow him to hold my heart.  Our marriage will look very different depending on which way I choose to live: in fear of betrayal and constantly second guessing him, or growing in trust and encouraging him to remain the honorable, loving man I know him to be.  I obviously choose the latter. 

I love and trust you, wholeheartedly.